Two consecutive, contrasting days: Memories of 07/07/05

I’ve often wanted to write the memories down, but never have. It’s not only the 10th anniversary that has bought the memories to the forefront, but the events in Tunisia.

Two consecutive days. The juxtaposition of such joy and elation with such misery and despair. The holidaymakers in Tunisia may well feel the same. July 6th and 7th 2005. Was there ever such a time in the national consciousness, especially in London and the South-East, when there were two such consecutive days? It’s that contrast that I mostly remember.

Those two days I wasn’t in London or anywhere near. Adrian and I were looking after two grandsons from Belfast, aged 6 and 3. We were staying in a favourite holiday location. Self-catering on a farm in Dumfries and Galloway, just outside Kircudbright.

Tuesday, July 6th had seen us at the excellent visitor attraction, Cream O’Galloway. The announcement was due to be made about the Olympics 2012 and I was hoping for a London vote. Not only did I want to take the boys, but to be a volunteer too. I listened on the small radio I’d taken with me and heard the news when it was announced. I have film of the boys in the adventure playground and I’m saying that I’ve just heard the news that the vote came for London and that they would go to some of the events. (They did attend and I was a Games Maker.)

Back in the farmhouse, we watched scenes of joy from London on TV. Such happiness. 

Wednesday, July 7th and it was another beautiful day. A day for the beach. The tiny village of Rockcliffe provides a delightful beach, bay and tea shop. A little off the beaten track, so not over populated. It was a perfect bucket and spades day and with the Olympic news, it felt a ‘good to be alive day’. A happy day.  A perfect day. There was no mobile signal. We didn't put the car radio on.

We returned to the house about 5pm. There was a text message from my daughter.

“I have spoken to Grandpop and he says Joe is okay.”

What did that mean? Why wouldn’t my son, Joe, be okay? And why would Katie in Belfast be in contact with my father who lived in London? What had it got to do with them?

I immediately realised that there must have been an incident of some sort and that it would be national news.  They thought I would have heard the news, whatever it was. Perhaps around where Joe could have been? On his way from Hammersmith to the BBC. With trepidation, I immediately went into the sitting room and put on the TV. 

I wanted to watch everything, but it wasn’t fair on the two small boys, so had to wait until after their bedtime. The next day, I tried to watch minimal TV, but even then the six-year old said, “Are those people still sad?”. I turned the TV off.

Joe had been on an, maybe the, Edgware Road train, but, unusually, had got off at an earlier stop to pay a bill. I’ve met several people who were almost involved. Missed the train, in the third taxi behind the bus, had just turned the corner…

But the images and feelings that remain are of enjoying a perfect day of pure innocence in one part of the UK, while death and evil visited another.

24 hours after most of London was celebrating, the joyous mood and lives had been smashed to pieces. 

My thoughts return to Tunisia.

NB:

I wrote the above yesterday. Today, at 11.15am I was in a car and when I put on the radio, it was BBC 5 Live coming from St Paul's Cathedral. I stopped and listened to the rest of the service and the chat afterwards. I cried.

I felt so sad, but my memory matches to the emotions felt and subsequent thoughts were numerous.

1. I am proud to be a Londoner. The attack was on my city and its people. A wonderful, cosmopolitan city. 
2. I travel through Kings Cross and Edgware Road nearly every month. I know those streets and tube lines.
3. I am a news junkie and yet hearing so much from ten years ago, made me realise how much I missed by just not being aware of what was going on.
4. I walked through Tavistock Square last week. It was a sunny, hot afternoon. The small park was full of happy people and innocent children running through the fountains.
5. I had forgotten until last night, that five years ago today was my father's funeral, whose life was complex and intrusive into my own for over 60 years. 

But mainly and overwhelmingly, I feel almost haunted by that beautiful, happy, perfect day on the beach in Rockcliffe. I am grieving. Grieving for the loss of innocence and the loss of ten more years of life. 

But at least I've had a life in those ten years.

@AlisonRRussell2015

Keeping positive to maintain good mental health

This is the extended* column that was printed in the York Press on Monday, June 1st, 2015. Due to staffing reductions at the York Press, there is not a link to the the column...yet.


At the end of April we drove to the village of Muker, high up in the Yorkshire Dales. This is a favourite time of year, with ‘spring bustin’ out all over’, as the song says. We revelled in the scenery as we drove across from the coast. 

In Muker we enjoyed a delicious pub lunch, purchased a woollen jersey and rambled gently through the fields and over a beck. At one point we leant on a field gate, taking in the magnificent view of the hills and fields with new-born lambs. 

Breathing in the fresh air, we counted our blessings. We reflected on our decision to have no regrets about the health problems which nowadays restrict our walking activities, having explored the breathtaking Yorkshire landscape when we were more able. 

I said, “we must concentrate on what we can do, not what we can’t” I recalled being told about a local man, who, through illness couldn’t sail his single-handed boat anymore. He had been unable to come to terms with this change in his life and was only dwelling on what he couldn’t do anymore. As a result, he was sinking into depression.

Thirty minutes after leaning on the gate, we returned to the car. I twisted my back, pulled a muscle and was in acute pain. The previous time this had happened I’d been travelling on planes and trains and had to keep moving. This time, I was initially grateful for remaining still in a car driving home, but sitting for two hours was the worse thing I could have done.

Arriving home I could barely move and was in agony. Adrian said later, that it hadn’t been a good day. I remonstrated strongly. Until 3.30pm, the day had been perfect and that’s what we should remember. My back injury couldn’t change those idyllic moments or the memories of them.

Dosed up with painkillers and moving slowly, I despaired. It was Bank Holiday and I couldn’t see the chiropractor for several days. The garden needed attention, I couldn’t watch the Tour de Yorkshire pass locally and had to cancel a trip to London to see friends the following week.

From experience, I knew I had to keep moving, staying still for too long is not an option for bad backs. I remembered what I’d said at the field gate. I had a choice. I could either dwell about everything I couldn’t do and become downhearted or put my mind to what I could manage instead. 

So over the next few days, I did jobs that wouldn’t have been done at all. While I stayed standing, I completed tasks that were at eye level or higher. The wardrobe was de-cluttered, tatty and broken jewellery discarded, bookshelves sorted, kitchen cupboards tidied and cakes were baked. I felt a sense of achievement against the odds and the back slowly improved.

* Three weeks ago I was in London to look after my five-year old granddaughter all week, pre and post school, while the rest of the family were away. I was looking forward to enjoying my home city every day, visiting old favourites and taking in some new ones.

Two days before I went down, I received a text from my son, to tell me that Addie had chicken-pox. She was covered from the top of her head to in-between her toes. Though not unwell, school was out of the question and so was spending much time outside home.

Yet again, I was presented with a life event that meant I had to follow my own advice! 

“You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude’ Eleanor Roosevelt

Hegemony - what's that?

There is a school of thought which states that regularly learning and using new words is good for the brain.  A radio presenter introduces new words into her radio programme for this purpose.  Chris Packham on BBCTV Springwatch this week, is also bringing new words to the audience, as he was doing on TV ten years ago. 

Last Sunday, I was introduced to a new word. Hegemony. 

A dictionary definition: the social, cultural, ideological, or economic influence exerted by a dominant group. 

I was reading this article in The Observer:
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/may/24/joseph-stiglitz-interview-uk-economy-lost-decade-zero-growth

It was about a man called Joseph Stiglitz, who foresaw the 2008 financial crash, but was ignored, due to hegemony. I recalled a friend, a financier in America, who on a home visit in September 2006, showed us a letter he had written to his bosses warning them of what he believed was around the corner. He only received criticism for his warnings and his colleagues became unfriendly.

As I have mentioned in the previous blog, my husband warned about large, out-of-town supermarkets becoming white elephants  back in the 1990s and experienced ridicule from some people with vested interests. Perhaps Tescos could have saved billions of pounds? 

In my own line of work, I have recently read about problems with GPs over prescribing and ineffective treatment, especially in in the area of mental health and elderly care. These problems were highlighted by my tutors, also in the 1990s. The pharmaceutical industry is another dominant group with damaging influence.

The media, journalists and effective PR companies have their part to play in giving such groups power, but they also try to highlight wrongdoing too. The are many excellent articles and books written about various scandals, but they who shout the loudest (have more money) has more influence.

When I started to write this blog, the FIFA scandal was just hitting the headlines. As we read about journalists having highlighted corruption in FIFA on TV and in books ten years ago and with the new word ''hegemony' in my brain, I wondered if it could be used in the context of FIFA and Sepp Blatter?

Then I read this in the Independent:

"If Sepp Blatter had a grain of dignity left, he would stand down. How many Fifa corruption charges would it take for him to decide that he has delighted us long enough?
This morning's stunning dawn raid on fotball's world governing body leaves Mr Blatter unable to resort ti his stock response - attacking the British media for daring to question his hegemony, for exposing corruption, and accusing us of sour grapes over England's failed World Cup bid."

Albert Einstein is quoted as saying:

"Three great forces rule the world. Stupidity, Fear and Greed."

From psychology, we learn that fear and greed are emotions that give rise to emotional reactions and correspondingly lessening rational thought. In turn, these emotions can cause stupid behaviours. What the world could do with is greater emotional intelligence, but fear is so often our driving force. Especially a childhood fear of not being good enough.

"The world is full of frightened children."

Kurt Vonnegut

I will add '...and hegemony'.

©AlisonRRussell2015

Adaptability is underestimated.

This is the *extended Wellbeing column from the York Press, May 
4th, 2015
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/12929817.Body__Mind___Soul__Adaptability_is_underestimated/

Spring is here! Now to choose what to wear. The weather is so changeable that making the right choice can be a problem, especially if travelling. Some springs are warmer, wetter and windier than others, but this year spring has gone from warm to cold and back again several times in a few weeks. Just when we think about wearing less clothing, using lighter bedclothes and turning the heating down, the temperature drops and we go back to needing to feel warm and cosy again. 


It amuses me when we wear clothing in April that we wouldn’t have worn in January, even though the temperature is the same. We adapt, our bodies acclimatise. Just as they do when going abroad or experiencing extremes of temperature in the UK. At first, the body can be overwhelmed, but then we become more used to it. Though possibly still uncomfortable, we are able to tolerate the change more easily than when first experienced.

*Many people say that they wouldn't live 'in the north' because it's colder and my mother was one of them. We love the cooler, less polluted weather up here in Yorkshire and do not find the thought of a possible move south in the years to come, an attractive one. Though we would acclimatise, as we did coming north over twenty years ago. It fascinates me how the spring sunshine brings out the 'T' shirt and shorts wearers, even if the temperature then turns to below 10c and wind is biting, which it has done too many times this year. It would seem that once out of the wardrobe, they are staying out, whatever the conditions. Living in a seaside town, this phenomenon is highlighted. The variety of clothes worn can be a picture. Someone wearing a strappy top, standing next to someone in boots, coat and scarf, even a hat maybe. Looking at pictures from a race meeting can be even more entertaining! I know that living in the north appears to highlight the choice of clothing.

Adaptability is an underrated skill. People express displeasure in change, but necessity can often mean having to adapt quickly. Most human brains are equipped for changing and learning, while we should remember that no success is reached, without failing on the way. Our brains adapt to change all the time. It could be a new phone, TV, computer, workplace, washing machine, car or a different climate. 

*We have spent many holidays doing self-catering in a variety of  locations and accommodation. At first, the kitchen is a voyage of discovery, but we quickly adapt to a very different set of crockery, cutlery and kitchen equipment and it soon becomes 'normal'.

Interestingly, as we adapt, especially using something technical, deep rooted feelings of failure can quickly rise to the surface. We become frustrated, emotional and our logical brain shuts down, which makes decision-making poor and we can panic and become angry.* If it’s something we really don’t have to do, we may stop trying. Forget the unhelpful, ‘practise makes perfect,' but remember, ‘practice does makes better.’ Keep going!

* Supermarkets can be an irritation. People are generally short of time and do not want to spend their time trying to find where something has been moved to. This is one of the reasons for the popularity of the smaller/local shop, which the major chains have discovered. Less choice, quickly done. My husband, Adrian, wrote about the eventual decline of out-of-town large supermarkets in the 1997. Very few wanted to know. Certainly not the companies, developers, councils, planners and anyone else with financial gain in mind. Perhaps if Tescos had taken notice, instead of rubbishing the ideas, they wouldn't have made such a enormous loss recently. 

 http://www.usablebuildings.co.uk/Pages/Unprotected/Logistical1.pdf

Scientists talk of the brain being plastic, as it can be remoulded in different ways. New neural pathways are developed. Like computers, new software can be installed and hardwired. There is plenty of evidence of people who have recovered from major illnesses or brain injuries.

* In practice, I found that using the computer metaphor was helpful for the majority of clients. Obviously, for those that used computers. It proved even more helpful in guided visualisation, when creating new folders and moving old files to the 'trash can'. 

James, a teenage boy, was at home where there was a large, family dog, Casper. James had smoked cannabis and was now convinced that he’d damaged his brain. I couldn’t promise him that he hadn’t, but I could say that the brain can adapt well if old neural pathways are damaged. New pathways are created and repetitive action sets them in place.  He was questioning the validity of what I was saying, when I saw the dog. “Look at Casper," I said, “he was badly injured by a bus and lost a leg, but does that stop him behaving as a dog should do?” Casper was bounding around the room on his three legs, as I spoke. “He has learnt to adapt or rather his brain has.” James smiled, looked at the evidence and believed me. He had given himself a shock, but chose not to take the risk with cannabis again.

©AlisonRRussell2015

Politics and Wellbeing

This is the column from The York Press on Monday, April 6th, 2015.
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/12873248.Body__Mind___Soul__Emotion_toolkit_to_help_you_find_your_miracle/

As the General Election looms, so the media is full of generalisations, or rather, the politicians are. The over use of ‘hard-working families’ has become irritating.  A generalisation is a word or phrase that means nothing, other than how the individual listener or reader is interpreting it. One person’s image of a ‘hard-working family,' will be different from another’s, but it sounds caring.

I have put together a statement from phrases and words I found in today’s newspapers:

Vote for me!  A politician who stands for ‘honesty’ and ’openness’. After this ‘period of austerity,' we have ‘a comprehensive plan’ looking towards ‘a better, balanced future’ for ‘hard-working families’ and ‘thriving local communities’ . With ‘a competitive tax regime’ and ‘business-friendly policies’, we will be ‘reducing crime,'  ‘investing in young people’ and ‘building a better health service’. Which brings me on to the ‘Northern Powerhouse’…

  

It’s waffle. It can sound impressive, but means little. Delivered with genuine passion, the words can raise emotions in the listener and reader and so influence their thinking. It’s the language of influence and used to great effect by politicians, media and organisations, especially the advertising industry. Without facts though, the words are empty vessels. As we know, it is facts, with which, politicians have most difficulty.

What has all this to do with wellbeing? Which, of course, is another generalisation. Therapy is full of generalisations, from both the client and therapist. People use emotional generalisations to explain a problem. Sadness, anger, loneliness, boredom, hopelessness, pain. Until some facts are provided to support the statements, finding solutions to problems can be challenging. Concentrating on an expressed emotion, a person can remain emotionally aroused, which prevents clear thinking and effective problem-solving. Examining facts can engage the logical brain, enabling a reduction in emotional arousal. This enables greater clarity of thinking and finding solutions.  The same technique can be used in workplace meetings, when the emotional temperature starts to rise. 

In the 1980s, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy introduced ‘The Miracle Question.’ This question can be asked in a variety of ways, but this is the gist: 

You wake up tomorrow morning and a miracle has happened overnight. Your problem has been solved. How do you know? What will be different?

If the answer is, “I will feel happy,' then more questions can be asked to elicit some facts about the situation. “What will you be doing?”  “How would somebody else be able to tell you were feeling different?” Then a goal may be revealed and steps to achieve the goal discussed.  Try it with a personal problem which appears unsolvable or use it to help a friend or family member.

Perhaps we should ask our politicians The Miracle Question?

©AlisonRRussell2015

Depression - a timely reminder

Depression is a subject that comes to the fore in the media on a regular basis. It has been in the headlines over the past few days for various reasons, including a new book, 'Reasons to stay Alive' by Matt Haig and some sportspeople talking openly about their own depression. 

Primarily though, the subject of depression hit the headlines due to a non-accidental air crash in France and the discovery that the pilot may have had mental health problems. Sadly, the headline writers and some opinion makers have lumped together the word depression and a possible act of cruel lunacy, to the detriment of the thousands of people who have experienced depressive episodes. Statements have been made when the facts are still unknown.

There have been several instances when I've winced at what I've heard or read, particularly when there have been generalisations. The one that made me shout at the radio was, "Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and a lack of serotonin." This was followed by the implication that a person can't help it and medication is the answer. Serotonin is a chemical which can be found to influence depression, but depression is much more than a chemical imbalance bought on by one chemical. A chemical that can be changed with something as simple as smiling. 

A colleague and friend, who experienced years of depression and Post -Traumatic Stress Disorder after being severely injured in an IRA bomb blast, made this comment. "Depression is nature's way of telling you to do something different." A challenging statement perhaps?  But from my experience of working with people experiencing depressive episodes, not one person has recovered without changing something about their life choices. Choices that may include, thoughts, behaviours, relationships, work, diet, medication, sleep, lifestyle, amongst others.

It can be 'Catch 22', in that to be able to make changes, one has to feel able to make them and when experiencing depression, the ability to want to do anything at all, can disappear. But change can only be brought about by change.

"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got." Henry Ford.

Primarily, in helping anyone with any emotional health problem, it is important to look at how the person is getting their fundamental needs met, as well as the basic ones of food, shelter, clothing and money.

• Security.
• Sense of belonging.
• Close relationship.
• Time for privacy.
• Feeling connected to others.
• Having a purpose in life.
• Physical and mental challenges.
• Giving and receiving attention.

Stress, anxiety, anger, depression and addiction can be the result of these needs not being met, for a variety of reasons, including the misuse of imagination (worrying). Problems can also arise when these needs are met, but in unhealthy ways. Most people do not have emotional/mental health problems when their fundamental needs are being met in balanced, healthy ways.

In a previous blog, I wrote about a brush with depressive thinking. Most of my needs were being met, but I was misusing my imagination. I likened changing my choices to 'wading through treacle', but it had to be done to regain my sanity.

Sometimes people find change too hard, because it means a loss of a lifestyle that is supplying needs, but ultimately in unhealthy ways.

My own findings have also been informed by seeing, reading and hearing people whose needs were not met in childhood or perceived that they were not met. Many adults experiencing depression, can often be dragged backwards by thoughts of 'not being good enough'. Thoughts that first arose in childhood.

An Emotional Needs Audit:
http://www.enaproject.org

Free online help:
http://www.thehumanapproach.com

©AlisonRRussell2015

Takings steps to beat depression - York Press Column March 2015

This is the *extended Wellbeing column from York Press on Monday, March 9th.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11843396.Taking_steps_to_beat_depression/

Last Monday morning and before I settled down to put the final touches to this column, I read The Press, giving special attention to my fellow columnist, Dr Andy Field. I agreed with him about antibiotics, but then winced as I read on. He’d written about what I had written about. Bother! Did I have to start again? I decided to build on his sensible advice.

Dr Field wrote about this time of year and low mood. I didn’t expect to have first-hand experience last month. It is often thought that people who have an optimistic, outward-looking, positive attitude to life, as I generally do, don’t have low moods and depressive thinking. They do. I thought JK Rowling must have experienced depression when she created the Dementors in Harry Potter. “Get near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory, will be sucked out of you…” 

*This from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. In workshops, I have used the full, descriptive passage, without mentioning JK Rowling and Harry Potter, to describe depression. Then I inform people, what it's actually describing. Later on Harry is given the antidote - something described as a Patronus charm. But unpack the description of a Patronus Charm and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be indentified in another form.

In the past, I have felt as if I was under duvet made of lead, pressing down, making movements impossible. That’s where, in the past, I have wanted to stay, in bed, not confronting problems, just introspecting and misusing my imagination. But nothing gets solved lying in bed. 

*A client said to me, "As I lay in bed, I suddenly realised that nothing was going to change in my life if I stayed there, so I got up." I recall a morning many years ago, where the Dementors were forcing the duvet down, while I struggled to get out of bed. The force seemed so strong and I wanted to give in to it, but I didn't. From the actions I took that morning, my life changed.

I had a brush with that duvet last month. There wasn’t one trigger, but a variety of all sorts, topped off by a book, which I found demoralising. 

* Someone suggested that I could just live an easy life and I wondered why I didn't make life easier for myself. That led to guilt from not helping those less fortunate. I developed a cold. I read a book called Bad Pharma by Ben Goldacre, which confirmed what I already knew, but despaired about.  I was left questioning my actions, as in, "What's the point of trying to make a difference?" and it unsettled me.

The Dementors were nagging away in one ear, while Pollyanna was attempting to be heard in the other.  Age, experience and knowledge has its benefits and I now know how to fight these Dementors. The highly emotional state needed to be broken and only I had the power to challenge and change my thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and actions. (See Patronus Charm above.)

Step by step, I waded through the treacle that my mind and body had become stuck in and the demented thoughts slowly faded away.

These were some of my steps:

1. Get up, showered and dressed. Tough, but crucial. 

*Little can be achieved otherwise and sometimes beating the demons and winning a challenge feels good. Thus releasing the 'feel good' hormones. 

2. Ate healthily. The mind and body need the correct fuel to work properly. I fought the urge to self-medicate with my choice of chocolate and alcohol. 

*I didn't abstain, but didn't overdo it.

3. Fresh Air. I unearthed an old pedometer and set a target of 10,000 steps a day. Gardening.  Helps sleep too. 

*If I managed 10,000 steps by 2/3pm, I knew I would be tired.

4. Enjoyed the simple pleasures in life. Signs of spring and hope. In York I looked at The Minster and wondered at its magnificence.  Another day I sat overlooking the sea, marvelling at the always changing scene. 

*Watching the waves coming in and going out can be relaxing as it slows down the breathing.

5. Spent five pounds on a bunch of flowers. 

*Just putting them in a jug on the table lifted my spirits. Worth every penny.

6. Telephoned two friends and talked about their lives and problems. Counted blessings. 

*In fact, I rang one long-time friend for a long chat and the very next day another long-time friend rang me, out of the blue. Then I exchanged long emails too. Both have challenges in their lives with family members, so it was good to listen.

7. Booked a neck and shoulder massage. 

*A massage, manicure, pedicure etc: can all help aid relaxation for a period of time. Touch is good too.  I believe that these treatments should be offered in all mental health units and elderly care homes. Far more effective than medication. 

9. Restricted TV watching. A demotivating, energy sapping activity.

* Dark days, multi-channels, a comfortable sofa and the remote control makes this activity so easy to get sucked into. 

10. Stopped worrying about what I can’t do in a troubled world and concentrated on what I can do, which is to help a few people, not thousands. 

*It upsets me to see good people having their lives ruined unnecessarily and scandalously.

I also recognised the truth in ‘This too will pass.’ It has. 

*The memory is useful here, as it can act as a reminder of how a change of thinking and behaviour made life better in the past.

©AlisonRRussell2015