Putting a crisis into perspective.

This is the extended* column first published in the York Press on November 6th 2018.

https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/17194706.column-were-all-doomed-oh-no-were-not/

I have been in Liverpool, attending the annual conference for Soroptimist International Great Britain and Ireland. www.sigbi.org. ‘Women inspiring action, transforming lives.’ There were inspirational speakers, who have worked their way through the most challenging of circumstances. Reports were presented by some of the three hundred and fifty clubs, about the educating, empowering and enabling work Soroptimist volunteers have achieved around UK and the world. Projects which are only a drop in the ocean of Poverty, Loneliness, Slavery, Abuse, Genital Mutilation, Human Trafficking, Imprisonment, Hunger, Hygiene, Disease and Education. *Making a difference. Transforming lives.

Returning home I found that the fridge freezer had broken down with resulting problems, my husband’s smartphone had broken, the car repair bill was massive and Christmas is just around the corner.

My husband became a little ’Dad’s Army’, along the lines of, “We’re all doomed.’ (* It was actually more Frankie Howard, "Woe, woe and thrice woe", but I thought younger readers might not remember that, so changed to Dad's Army. An older TV programme, but still regularly shown on TV. ) I stopped him and said, “I’ve just spent three days hearing about the appalling misfortune of millions of people worldwide. Please get this into perspective.” Irritating and inconvenient our problems may be, but life threatening or life limiting they are not.

* We are used to hearing about Third World Poverty, but surely in 2018, the UK should not have to have charities supporting Food Banks and Period Poverty schemes. The recent figures for the latter, enabling hundreds of girls to attend school are heartening.

Two speakers gave these words of  wisdom. The one time hostage, Terry Waite, spoke about appreciating the small, free things in life, when he experienced a moment of colour in his bleak, black and white, five years in captivity. From a momentarily uncovered window, he had managed a glimpse of a bunch of flowers for a few seconds. He also spoke about his mental survival being due to continually exercising and challenging his brain. Terry’s imagination saved him and he maintains that stretching himself mentally every day, keeps his brain from atrophying at seventy-nine.

A former UK police officer, Ellie Bird Lenawarungu, now married and working in Kenya, spoke about empowering villagers to enable themselves. More powerful than aid workers doing the enabling. I have heard similar from relief workers working in disaster zones. Teachers spoke afterwards, agreeing that if pupils had some part of a project in school, they felt some ownership and therefore respected the work more. 

One of the problem with teenagers and their mental health, may be that instead of adults empowering children to enable themselves, too many adults are doing the enabling themselves, leaving the children entering adulthood, lacking life skills. 

*In this busy world, it is generally easier and quicker in the short-term for adults to do tasks, but in the long-term, we disable our children, not making them able adults.

Empower and encourage others to enable themselves.

©AlisonRussell2108

Turning molehills into mountains - Toxic Thinking.

This *extended column was first published in the York Press on Tuesday, May 30th 2017.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/15319075.Rita_Leaman_column___If_you_pick_it__it_won___t_get_better_/

It was a great gathering, everyone was happy and everything went well. There was a small incident. Did I sense a slight insult? If I did, it was unintentional and easily explained. Nobody said anything and the incident went to the back of my mind while we all continued to enjoy ourselves.

Except some people thought that it was insensitive and discussed it together. A few hours later it was mentioned to me. I didn’t feel a discussion would be helpful, but started to feel emotional. I begun to replay the incident, over and over. The tears weren’t far away. My imagination got going and I started to build up various negative scenarios. Little was based on facts, just my imaginings.

A day passed and it was all I could think about. Now, not only did I feel hurt, bewildered, embarrassed, but angry too. The tears seemed permanently lodged behind my eyes. I desperately tried to put it out of my mind, but I had become emotionally hijacked and the memory was on replay. The molehill had become a mountain. I wanted it to stop and reminded myself that ‘if you pick it, it won’t get better’. As a therapist I know that picked over memories can become toxic and do great damage to oneself and others and I didn’t want that. In the end I decided to just let the tears flow. Alone, I bawled my eyes out. The dam of emotion had burst and I felt better, which slightly surprised me. I haven’t felt upset since.

Shakespeare gave some wise words to Hamlet in Act 2, Scene 2.

“…for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison.”

Emperor Marcus Aurelius lived centuries before Shakespeare. He should have an entire therapeutic approach to life built around his many insightful quotes.  

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.” 

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” 

(*Look for the book 'Meditations' - the philosophy of Marcus Aurelius.) 

To bring it up to date, I will finish with a quote from Disney: “Let it go!”
.......................

* Since the column was published, the memory has come back a couple of times and tried to make mischief in my mind. Being busy  and using diversionary tactics, I have been able to 'let it go' or push the mischief maker away. In the past I have been known to shout very loud and very rudely at an intrusive negative thought. It somehow can break the trance state of introspection and works. I choose a suitable time and place, just in case I'm overheard!

In my practice, I made a poster of one Marcus Aurelius quote. 

2000 Years Ago

"Many of the anxieties that harass you are superfluous, being but creatures of your fancy, you can rid yourself of them and expand into an ampler region letting your thoughts sweep over the entire universe."

2017
Stop imagining the worst and look at the bigger picture

©AlisonRRussell2017 

Keeping positive to maintain good mental health

This is the extended* column that was printed in the York Press on Monday, June 1st, 2015. Due to staffing reductions at the York Press, there is not a link to the the column...yet.


At the end of April we drove to the village of Muker, high up in the Yorkshire Dales. This is a favourite time of year, with ‘spring bustin’ out all over’, as the song says. We revelled in the scenery as we drove across from the coast. 

In Muker we enjoyed a delicious pub lunch, purchased a woollen jersey and rambled gently through the fields and over a beck. At one point we leant on a field gate, taking in the magnificent view of the hills and fields with new-born lambs. 

Breathing in the fresh air, we counted our blessings. We reflected on our decision to have no regrets about the health problems which nowadays restrict our walking activities, having explored the breathtaking Yorkshire landscape when we were more able. 

I said, “we must concentrate on what we can do, not what we can’t” I recalled being told about a local man, who, through illness couldn’t sail his single-handed boat anymore. He had been unable to come to terms with this change in his life and was only dwelling on what he couldn’t do anymore. As a result, he was sinking into depression.

Thirty minutes after leaning on the gate, we returned to the car. I twisted my back, pulled a muscle and was in acute pain. The previous time this had happened I’d been travelling on planes and trains and had to keep moving. This time, I was initially grateful for remaining still in a car driving home, but sitting for two hours was the worse thing I could have done.

Arriving home I could barely move and was in agony. Adrian said later, that it hadn’t been a good day. I remonstrated strongly. Until 3.30pm, the day had been perfect and that’s what we should remember. My back injury couldn’t change those idyllic moments or the memories of them.

Dosed up with painkillers and moving slowly, I despaired. It was Bank Holiday and I couldn’t see the chiropractor for several days. The garden needed attention, I couldn’t watch the Tour de Yorkshire pass locally and had to cancel a trip to London to see friends the following week.

From experience, I knew I had to keep moving, staying still for too long is not an option for bad backs. I remembered what I’d said at the field gate. I had a choice. I could either dwell about everything I couldn’t do and become downhearted or put my mind to what I could manage instead. 

So over the next few days, I did jobs that wouldn’t have been done at all. While I stayed standing, I completed tasks that were at eye level or higher. The wardrobe was de-cluttered, tatty and broken jewellery discarded, bookshelves sorted, kitchen cupboards tidied and cakes were baked. I felt a sense of achievement against the odds and the back slowly improved.

* Three weeks ago I was in London to look after my five-year old granddaughter all week, pre and post school, while the rest of the family were away. I was looking forward to enjoying my home city every day, visiting old favourites and taking in some new ones.

Two days before I went down, I received a text from my son, to tell me that Addie had chicken-pox. She was covered from the top of her head to in-between her toes. Though not unwell, school was out of the question and so was spending much time outside home.

Yet again, I was presented with a life event that meant I had to follow my own advice! 

“You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude’ Eleanor Roosevelt