Tuesday, 31 July 2018

Life changes and needing someone to talk to.

This is the *extended article first published in The York Press on Tuesday, July 7th 2018. 


The recent Press headline shocked and saddened me. ‘York’s Spurriergate Centre has suddenly closed.’ Memories of February 1994 returned.

*The Spurriergate Centre offered a variety of community-based services including a child-friendly restaurant, separate cafe, shop and counselling. While it was based in an old church and had a Christian ethos, the welcome was for everyone. 

I had moved to York from Buckinghamshire in January 1994 and remarried. I knew nowhere and no-one, other than my new husband, who had unexpectedly relocated in the previous October. My daughter had married and moved to Belfast and my son was studying in Kent. I left twenty years of friendships and an excellent job with Waitrose, a supermarket which didn’t arrive in York for another sixteen years. Due to its absence, my working life changed beyond my imagination. 

*If Waitrose or John Lewis had been in York in 1994, I would have transferred without any difficulty. I may have dropped to part-time, but it would have been most unlikely that I would have left the Partnership. With their generous working conditions, I may still have been there or collecting a useful pension. Another retailing establishment would probably have employed me, but working for an ordinary company rather than a Partnership Company, would not have been easy, which is why I chose to do something completely different.  I knew enough about myself to know that I didn't want office work, but enjoyed an ever-changing environment with a variety of people. What about hotel work?

I allowed myself two weeks to settle in before looking for work. Deciding to find an agency for reception work, I looked in Yellow Pages. Turning to Agencies. the top box advertisement was for York Nannies and Nurses. Bingo! As a trained nursery nurse I begun a busy life caring for children all over the city and environs.

* I hadn't given a thought to returning to childcare. I worked short-term in private homes over a fifty-mile radius, ran university creches and ended up doing elderly visiting too. Late one Friday morning in June 1996, the phone rang. It was the Agency asking if I was interested in an unusual job that afternoon. It would have been so easy to tell them I wasn't interested, but I didn't.

This culminated in life-changing work at The Retreat Psychiatric Hospital, helping a mother with a new baby. Six years later I qualified as a psychotherapist and opened a practice in York. But I digress.

In the first few months of 1994, my husband was at work and I had little interaction with other adults. My greatest concern was that in a personal  emergency, who could I talk to in York? Who would listen? One day, walking around the city, I found The Spurriergate Centre. Entering, I had a coffee, a delicious piece of cake and sat at a table with a stranger. The jigsaw of my new life was now complete. I felt at ease, as I had met people who would have time to listen if I needed them. I also went to the library and found out about groups I could join and in time made new friends.

* There wasn't enough room to write this in the original article, but one of my major concerns was what would happen if the marriage didn't work out. I could ring friends, but it wasn't the same as having them around the corner. The months went by and all seemed well, but I remained concerned that I could be stranded away from everyone I knew if anything happened. I can still recall the extraordinary relief when we made it to our 1st anniversary. Now our Silver Anniversary is around the corner and despite rocky times due to work, health and family problems, we're still going strong.

The internet makes such a life change easier these days, but one to one personal contact is important. Hence the new ‘Chat and Natter' initiative in some Costa cafes, for people on their own who need to connect with another person.

A recent letter in The Press from the Trustees, says that some of the services at Spurriergate are still available. That is good news.