I have been writing a chapter on our need to give and receive love in healthy ways. It's a subject that is relevant for any time in history, but perhaps at the moment, in 2013, there is a need to highlight the problems arising from the giving and receiving of 'love' in unhealthy ways.
Some reasons why people behave in this way are for another day.
Loves me Loves me NOT
- Makes me feel safe Is jealous
- Makes me feel comfortable Is possessive
- Listens to me Tries to control me
- Values my opinions Get violent, loses temper quickly
- Supports what I want to do in life Always blames me
- Is truthful with me Is sexually demanding
- Admits to being wrong Keeps me from seeing friends & family
- Respects me Makes all the decisions
- Likes that I have other friends Embarrasses me in front of others
- Makes me laugh Hits me
- Trusts me. Makes me cry
- Treats me as an equal Is always ‘checking up’ on me
- Respects my family Takes my money and other things
- Accepts me as I am Teases, bullies and puts me down.
- Understands my need for time alone Threatens to leave me if I don’t do what I’m told.
As a therapist and observer of human behaviour, I feel that most of the behaviours listed could be used in all sorts of relationships, not just those between male and female or used by men against women.
If you think you or someone you know is experiencing some of these 'Loves me not' behaviours from someone, please pass this on to them, if it's safe to do so. They probably need help. They certainly need support.
If you know someone who uses such behaviours or recognise them in yourself, help should also be sought.