Like plants, we will thrive if our needs are met.

This is the *extended Wellbeing column published in the York Press on Tuesday May 24th, 2016.
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/14530262.Body__Mind_and_Soul__Solution_focused_problem_solving/

The sun is shining at last and the garden beckons. Like all gardeners, I have been looking at the flower beds and pots to observe what has survived over the past few months. Also attempting to get to the weeds and slugs before they take over.

It really doesn’t matter what the weather conditions have been, some plants will have thrived and others will have not. The same species of plant will have done better in one part of the garden than in another.

I loved furnishing the practice rooms in York, which naturally included plants. I bought two identical cuttings from a plant I had at home. One pot I put in the front, sunny room and the other pot I placed in another room, near a large window, but in the shade all day.

Over the years the plants grew. The plant in the front room flourished. It grew tall and bushy with glossy leaves. The other plant had stunted growth and wrinkled leaves. Both plants were looked after with the same care, but their environments were different. One plant thrived and the other did not. I took photos of them and used the pictures to illustrate presentations on how a human being will thrive if their needs are met in healthy ways. 

In therapy sessions, I used a Needs Audit with the clients. For some people, basic needs should be addressed. Those of food, shelter, clothing, warmth and money. Then there are  the emotional needs of security, a sense of control, social interaction, friendship, sense of community, meaning and purpose and being stretched. Are they being met? Healthily or unhealthily?

A change of circumstances should lead to a reassessment. For example, retirement,  a chronic health condition, relocation, empty nest and unemployment. As well as checking on unmet needs, the audit can also show where someone’s needs are being met, but in unhealthy or unhelpful ways. For instance, in addictive behaviours.

I was pleased to see that the organisation Victim Support has changed its focus in the twenty years since I last worked with them. There is a form to fill in on visits, about the person’s needs and if they are being met. Solution-focused problem solving. 

I like it.
©AlisonRRussell2016

As a reminder of the emotional needs: 

• Love – loving and being loved
• Attention – giving and receiving attention
• Personal value – feeling good enough
• Privacy – having one’s own space
• Safety – feeling secure
• Control – feeling a sense of control
• Achievement – succeeding while being stretched
• Friends – for fun and friendship
• Social group – being part of one 

As a therapist I observed that the majority of clients had felt 'not good enough' at some time in their younger life. I adapted the adult audit I was given in training. 

How well were your innate emotional needs met as a young person? 

Nature has programmed all of us with physical and emotional needs. These are the ‘human givens’ that cannot be avoided. How stressed we are now, can sometimes depend on how well we felt our needs were being met as a young person. This can be real or perceived.  Rate, in your judgement, how well the following emotional needs were met in your younger life, on a scale of one to seven (where 1 means not met at all, and 7 means being very well met).

Did you feel secure in all major areas of your life                    0........................................................................7

(such as your home, school, environment)? 

Did you feel you received enough attention?                           0.........................................................................7

Did you think you gave other people enough attention?        0..........................................................................7

Did you feel in control of your life most of the time?            0..........................................................................7

Did you feel part of the wider community?                            0..........................................................................7

Were you able to obtain privacy when you needed to?       0..............................................................................7

Did you have an intimate relationship in your life?           0...............................................................................7

(one where you are totally physically and emotionally 

accepted for who you are by at least one person, this 

could be a close friend)? 

Did you feel an emotional connection to others?                0..............................................................................7 

Did you feel you have status that was acknowledged?       0..............................................................................7

Did you complete tasks and show a skill or gift in at least 

one area of your life?                                                          0..............................................................................7

Were you mentally and/or physically stretched in ways 

which gave you a sense of meaning and purpose?              0..............................................................................7

If your scores are mostly low, you are more likely to be suffering stress symptoms. 

If any need is scored 3 or less this is likely to be a major stressor for you. 

Even if only one need is marked very low it can be enough of a problem to seriously effect your mental and emotional stability. 

Stress, anxiety, anger, depression and addiction are the result of our innate needs not being met, either due to environmental factors, harmful conditioning or a misuse of imagination (worrying). 

People do not have mental health problems when their innate needs are being met in balanced, healthy ways. By highlighting areas in your life where your essential needs aren’t being met as 

well as they could be, you can use this questionnaire to help you think constructively about how your life could be improved. 
*(Adapted from training material www.hgi.org.uk)

*Did you ever have feelings of ‘not being good enough‘ as a young person?                            Yes/No

If yes, how old were you? .............

What particular area of your life? ......................................................

Do those feelings affect your life now? Yes or No

If so, how?..........................................................................................

Perhaps your adult age is sometimes hijacked by the emotional brain of a younger person? If it is and the resulting behaviour is ultimately unhelpful, then you can change it.

A client once left the practice and on the doorstep on to the street said, "I came in here like a boy and now I'm going out like a man." I was thankful no-one was passing who might have misunderstood!

©AlisonRRussell2016

Imagine a rainbow - Mental Heath Awareness Week 2016

I wrote this for an advertisement in 2006. It seemed to sum up the majority of problems that my clients presented. I later used it as the preface for the book.

Imagine a rainbow. 
It could be a memory of a real experience, or a figment of the imagination. 
We become lost in wonder at the rainbow’s form and the spectrum of rich colours in a changing sky. 
We are momentarily entranced and we marvel at the rainbow’s natural beauty and its transient nature.
Our eyes wander to where the end of it disappears... 
The image fades. It was a moment of innocent wonder and curiosity. 
For a few precious seconds the intrusion of our everyday activities was excluded. 
No harm was done. 
In fact, we may even feel uplifted.

Now, let us imagine another rainbow. 
Again, we become entranced by it, but this time we concentrate on where the rainbow ends. 
We remember the stories and myths we heard as children. Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? 
A pot of gold that would provide a resolution to all our problems? We want it, and we want it now!
Leaving common sense and reason behind, we chase the end of the rainbow, again and again. 
We keep trying, but the end is just out of reach and always unobtainable. 
We feel disappointed, frustrated and weary. Will we ever reach it? No. 
The pot of gold of resolution is the delusion in the illusion, but we continue to reach for and chase the end of the rainbow. 
The more we try, the more we can become deluded. 
We can become emotionally and physically unwell. 

©AlisonRRussell2016

Would you be a friend to yourself? Self awareness.

This is the *extended article, which was published in The York Press on Tuesday, April 5th, 2016.
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/features/14421072.Body__Mind_and_Soul__Observing_ourselves_is_the_way_to_develop_real_insight/?ref=mac

I have been visiting friends, who are unwell and feeling rough.  Ann is post operative and Sarah is having chemotherapy. Both friends have experienced some truly horrible times through life, as well as good times. We talk, discuss problems and laugh. I commended Ann on her attitude and she replied, “Well, if I was miserable all the time, no-one would want to come and visit me.” When I said much the same to Sarah, she replied, “What’s the point of making everyone else miserable, just because I’m going through it?” 

Ann and Sarah have personal insight and a mature level of self-awareness. They are not self-absorbed and think of and help others too.  

Their comments made me think of the focus on loneliness in the media at the moment and I thought of people who moan rather too much.

* In life there are people with whom we interact and can come away energised, even if the conversation has contained negative elements. There are other people where we can feel drained after spending time in their company. Therapists are taught to protect themselves from the negativity that can naturally exist in a therapy session. There can be times when, if not careful, a therapist can feel  that the client has plugged into the therapist's energies and drained them. It's one of the reasons I chose to be a solution-focused therapist. Despite the problems aired, how much more positive it was to focus on the client's resources and how they were going to be used in finding solutions.  

One of the motivators in finding a more positive approach in mental health came as a nursing assistant and thus, an observer, working on an acute psychiatric ward twenty years ago. I was appalled after the morning get-together, when the patients would come out of the room, most of them with heads down, crying, walking in a line along the corridor (lined with boxes of tissues!), as if they were covered in a shroud of misery, which of course, they were. Sitting in a room for an hour, all feeding off each other's misery could only lead one way. That way was downwards.

In my studies, I was taught about the invaluable ‘Observing Self’. Imagine an internal CCTV.  The ability to look at yourself in situations and think about how you are behaving. Perhaps not a comfortable exercise, but very helpful. I’m tall and sometimes use my Observing Self in situations where I become aware that I’m perhaps standing a little too close, maybe speaking too loud too, perhaps too intrusively. I don't always get it right, but I try to be self-aware.

A client told me that he didn’t have any friends. Despite further discussion, he couldn’t elaborate. So I asked him to imagine he was taking me to his local pub. He had to imagine that we walked into the pub and could see him standing at the bar. I suggested that we went to talk to him. As quick as a flash, he told me not to, because he wasn’t very nice. I asked him why he wasn’t very nice. He said he pinched his friend’s girlfriends. He had used his Observing Self and now we had something concrete to work with.

*I have had to withdraw from a couple of friendships, because the negativity and lack of self awareness was draining me. It's sad, because others have felt like that too. It may appear selfish to some people, but we need to protect ourselves from harmful relationships, otherwise we can become unhealthy, both physically and emotionally.

We all love a moan and a gossip, but there is a limit.  The limit is when people withdraw from your company. Would you want to talk to you, visit you, help you, introduce friends to you? If not, why not? 

Can you change your attitude? Ann and Sarah know that you cannot change events, but you can change your attitude to them. 

Small changes can bring big differences.

©AlisonRRussell2016

One road to happiness - making a difference by volunteering.

This was published in The York Press on Tuesday, March 1st 2016.
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/14309655.Body__mind_and_soul__making_a_difference/

When Terry Wogan died recently, some of his quotes were mentioned in articles about his life. I liked this one: “The way to happiness is to give yourself to others and to think of others before you think of yourself.”  I would add that also needing some ‘own time’ and ‘own space’ is not being selfish. It’s about having a balanced lifestyle to be emotionally healthy.

This brings me back to the subject of volunteering, the topic of this column last July. At the time, I was considering some local volunteering opportunities. It took time while all the necessary checks were carried out and in one case, some training. Patience was required. Seven months later, I am a visitor for Victim Support and a volunteer hospital play worker. 

The hospital work brings me great joy and I didn’t even know this position was available. Perhaps some of you are not aware of how you could volunteer. I thought of people I know and the voluntary work they do. It may give you some ideas too. 

• Working in hospitals. Running a website. Dog walking. Pet sitting.
• Local environmental projects. Helping in schools. Shopping. Gardening. 
• Youth groups. Hospital driver. Victim Support visitor. Charity shops.
• A Trustee of a charity. Community projects. Local service organisations.
• Local and National campaigns. Library assistants. Support groups.
• Religious groups. Local theatre groups. Writing. Political groups.
• Charity shops. Sports clubs and events. Prison visiting. Teaching.
• Historic buildings and gardens. Advocacy groups. Singing groups.

There is something for everyone and with a variety of time commitment.  Perhaps you’re tempted, but don’t think you could be of any help. You can help. You have skills that could help others. You can make a difference. When the enormity of the world’s problems seem too much, I recall this story.

A man was walking along a beach. As he walked, he could see a boy in the distance and he noticed that the boy kept bending down, picking something up and throwing it into the water. As the man walked nearer, he was able to see that the boy was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach and, one at a time he was throwing them back into the water. The man asked the boy what he was doing, the boy replied," I am throwing these washed up starfish back into the ocean, or else they will die through lack of oxygen. "But", said the man, "You can't possibly save them all, there are thousands on this beach. You can't possibly make a difference." The boy smiled, bent down and picked up another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, “I’ve made a difference to that one.”

©AlisonRRussell2016

What I have said for years, but with academic credentials.

Around ten years ago I read Richard Bentall's book, 'Madness Explained'. His second book, published in 2009 is called 'Doctoring the Mind'. I have heard him lecturing and agree with most of his findings. The only area of concern I had, was with his research when he was describing his work with mothers and babies and their communication. He was not aware of the problem with front-facing pushchairs, so his research was flawed. Now it would have to include the ubiquitous use of mobile phones and tablets by toddlers and babies, as well as older children.

That was some years ago and I was interested to read an article by him last week. It comes in the form of an open letter to the actor and presenter, Stephen Fry, after his BBCTV programme on bi-polar disorder.

https://blogs.canterbury.ac.uk/discursive/all-in-the-brain    

It begins:

Dear Stephen,

You and I attended the same public school (Uppingham, in Rutland) at the same time, in the early 1970s, and our unhappy experiences there have undoubtedly helped to shape our different trajectories, which have led us to a shared interest in mental health.

In your case, your premature departure from Uppingham, and your adventures immediately afterwards, were documented in your wonderful book, Moab is my Washpot. Your subsequent openness about your own mental health difficulties, for which I salute you, has been an inspiration to other mental health sufferers.

In my case, despite a lacklustre academic performance which I attribute mainly to spending much of my adolescence feeling depressed and emotionally abused, I managed to make my way to university and eventually pursued a career in clinical psychology. (My brother, unfortunately, was much worse affected by his time at the school; his expulsion was the start of a long downward spiral that culminated in his suicide, an event that haunts me twenty years later, and which reinforces my determination to improve the public understanding of mental ill-health.)

I have now spent more than thirty years researching severe mental illness, focusing especially on patients with psychosis (who, in conventional psychiatry, are typically diagnosed with ‘bipolar disorder’ or ‘schizophrenia’). It is from this perspective that, reluctantly, I must now ask you to rethink the way that you portray these conditions to the general public. I know that you wish to demystify and destigmatise mental illness, which are surely laudable aims, but my worry is that some aspects of your approach may have the opposite effect from that which you intend.

and carries on...please click on the link above.

In response to that open letter, Peter Kinderman, Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Liverpool & President-Elect, British Psychological Society, has written another open letter on behalf of many of his profession.

http://peterkinderman.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/open-letter-about-bbc-coverage-of.html?m=1

It begins:

Open Letter about BBC Coverage of Mental Health

Following Richard Bentall’s inspired OpenLetter to Stephen 
Fry, we – a group of people who have (and still do) use 
mental health services, who work in mental health, or 
who work as academics... or fall in to more than one of 
those categories – have decided to write a parallel Open 
Letter to the BBC and other media organizations about 
their coverage of mental health issues.

We need as many signatures as possible! If you wish to sign, 
please email Peter Kinderman at 
p.kinderman@liverpool.ac.uk with ‘BBC letter’ in the 
subject heading, and your name, title and organization as 
you would like to be represented. You can also leave 
comments below.

And carries on...Please click on the above link.

Why are these academics not listened to seriously? If they are not 
listened to, there's no hope for the non-academic professionals such 
as me and my colleagues. It is so frustrating with the unnecessary 
suffering loss of life and tragic loss of life we have been witness to 
over the last twenty years?

But then I read and listen with interest to the latest horror stories 
about sugar. That's not news. Professor Yudkin wrote about the 
dangers in 1972, 'Pure, White and Deadly', and was ridiculed. 

To those of us questioning the food industry, Big Pharma and other 
large, influential organisations. We must never give up, whoever we 
are. If it can save one life, it will be worth doing. 

©AlisonRRussell2016

Reflecting on the floods

This is January's Wellbeing Column published in the York Press on Tuesday, January 26th, 2016.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/14225102.Body__mind_and_soul__reflecting_on_the_floods/

Since Boxing Day, a month ago, I have observed and reflected on the aftermath from the floods, which affected people so badly in York, Yorkshire and beyond.

Fortunately, this has been done from the comfort of my own home, where we have counted blessings and identified simple pleasures. But this is a home that we only own due to the damaging Yorkshire floods in 2007. Someone else’s misfortune meant they had to withdraw an offer on the house, which we saw by chance the day after the For Sale board had returned. These floods too, will be life-changing and in ways that people cannot imagine. 

The media coverage has led to several discussions on what we would take from the house, if a quick exit was ever necessary. A useful exercise. We recognised that most of the stuff was replaceable and that it would be items with an emotional attachment, which would be upsetting to lose. Practically, we decided that having a file of basic ID, birth certificates, insurance and bank details would probably be the most useful item to take, along with our laptops. We also did some therapeutic de-cluttering on the unending wet, indoor days. 

On Boxing Day 2004, I recall watching the devastating scenes from the Indian Ocean Tsunami. I have two memories from the TV coverage. A British man explained that he and his family had been left with just their lives and a credit card, which was useless. The tragedy had led him to question life’s priorities and his personal value system. He knew he was fortunate to be returning to a comfortable home, unlike the islanders.

An Oxfam charity worker was interviewed some weeks later, when villagers were starting to rebuild their shattered communities. They were using resources given to them by the Aid charities, but the Oxfam representative said that it was vital for their recovery that the villagers did the work themselves, not sit back and allow others to do it. Everyone had a part to play, from the youngest to the oldest. Everyone felt useful and contributed. It is this spirit that is vital in all communities worldwide, large and small. People have to help others and also do it for themselves.

A client once presented me with a framed quote as a gift, as she felt it reflected on the resolution of her personal difficulties.

“Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. But with the best leaders, when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say, “We have done this ourselves.” 

Lao Tzu

©AlisonRRussell2016

Taking control over the emotion of memories

This is the *extended Wellbeing column, published in the York Press on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015.

As yet, there is no link to the York Press website. No doubt due to staff on holiday.

This is the last column for 2015 and I have been asked to continue writing a monthly column in 2016, my third year of writing for York Press. So see you next year!

..........................................

“Strange how potent cheap music is.” Noel Coward.  Private Lives.

If music, cheap or otherwise, was not potent, then it wouldn't be used by advertising agencies to sell merchandise. At this time of year, we seem to be assaulted everywhere by Christmas music. Our brains block out most of it, but for many, there are one or two tunes that will ‘hijack’ our emotional brain and makes us stop and reflect on a memory that has come to mind. Perhaps our eyes become moist or we inwardly smile. Then most of us will stop the train of thought that is usually heading back into the past and get on with whatever we are doing in the present.

Personally, Chris Rea brings smiles from a warm memory, while choirs singing carols can bring tears of loss.

At home or in the car, I can listen to music of my own choosing. There is little choice elsewhere and I can be ‘emotionally hijacked’ in seconds.  The first thought cannot be helped, but there is control over the second.  If I wish to be self-indulgent and dwell in self-pity, it’s my choice. On rare occasions I will chose to continue to listen to music that makes me feel miserable, through the memories it evokes. Bittersweet memories.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is often offered to people when their thoughts and subsequent behaviours are unhelpful. People can be helped to take control and change their thoughts, internal dialogue and actions. A thought will be triggered by an emotional reaction to something sensory. A smell, sight, taste, feel or touch. I’m writing about music, but it could be anything. Sometimes it’s not an obvious memory and we can often wonder why we’ve reacted in certain ways. 

It’s this brain function that can make Christmas time such an emotional time, with its variety of sensory triggers. Many people don’t like it for that reason. It’s also a time for trying to recapture the past, which is impossible and can cause disappointment with unfulfilled expectations.

If I was granted a wish by the Christmas fairy, it would be to have the family at home, around the table on Christmas Day.  This is logistically not possible, so this year we arranged to have a pre-Christmas gathering in late autumn instead. I looked at the extended family interacting and dwelled on the ‘if onlys' and ‘what ifs’. I was living in the past. It felt sad. Then I changed my internal dialogue. If I focused my mind on the past, I was going to miss what was happening in the present. I had the opportunity to make new memories. It became a cognitive exercise, not dissimilar to Mindfulness. I changed my train of thought and enjoyed the moment. I was making new memories. I felt happier.

*Over the Christmas period, I have been 'emotionally hijacked' on many occasions.  I always had a choice of where I took the train of thoughts and what mood ensued. Sometimes I indulged myself, because a duvet of self-indulgant misery can be strangely comforting at times. But only for the short-term. 

None of us know exactly what tomorrow will bring, let alone a whole year. I wish you all the emotional strength to manage whatever comes your way, bad and good, sad and happy, despair and elation, failure and success, pain and pleasure and all the ordinariness of in between.  

Here's to 2016 with my favourite quote.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller

©AlisonRRussell2015