Actions, consequenses and Brexit.

This is the Wellbeing Column published in the York Press on Tuesday, July 26th, 2016.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/14639318.Body__mind_and_soul_Thinking_about_consequences/

When writing last month’s column on managing our emotions after life events, little did I realise how prescient I was being. Within days, the English football supporters were grieving their loss, quickly followed by the result of the Referendum, which appeared to cause collective shock worldwide.  Before the Referendum and with a regular call for ‘facts’, I had light-heartily supplied some facts on my Facebook page. They included, that within months, we would hear, “I didn’t think that would happen.” In fact, those words were being expressed within hours of the result.

The words, “I didn’t think that would happen…” transported me to childhood. After yet another misdemeanour, I would try to explain my actions to my furious mother. No sooner had the words, “I didn’t think…(that would happen)”, been uttered, my mother would return the words, “That’s right, you didn’t think.”  

At what age children know right from wrong is a continual point for debate. What we do know, is that the ability to fully comprehend that consequences arise from actions, doesn’t occur until the emotional brain has matured later in life. EQ stands for Emotional Intelligence and has little to do with IQ (Intelligence Quotient.) Hence, when intelligent adults are sometimes emotionally immature, their behaviour is difficult to understand and challenging to work and live with. It is being generated in a different part of their brain from their logical thinking.

Unimagined consequences can continue to occur for months and years from the initial action. It’s called ‘the ripple effect.’ The last few weeks have provided us all with a profound illustration of this effect. Personal comprehension of actions and consequences, usually arrives along with learning to take personal responsibility instead of blaming others.  “It’s not my fault’ is a childish expression, spoken by too many adults. It was only when I was eighteen, that I stopped some anti-social behaviour which had been part of my life for ten years. I suddenly ‘grew up’ and saw the possible consequences of my actions.  To blame domestic circumstances would have been easy, but not helpful in taking me through adult life. 

There are always reasons behind our behaviours, but making them excuses is giving away personal control to change and make a difference. 

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”  Andy Warhol

©Alisonrussell2016

When life events makes you stop and think.

On Tuesday, June 21st 2016, this column was published in the York Press. I did not write it with the Referendum or the European Cup in my mind at all. But it was perhaps prescient.

In the circumstances, I have added to it.*

 http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/14569462.Body__Mind_and_Soul__When_life_makes_you_reassess_future_plans/

It had been a good week. I was feeling fit and healthy as I walked to my volunteer work in the hospital. Before going on the ward I visited the cafe. Then I had a blackout and became a patient, rather than a helper. A week later, I went to the GP to report symptoms of post concussion. We agreed that recovery would be 50% psychological. So it has proved.

There are some life events that make you stop and have to reassess future plans. Sometimes we have a warning of them and have some control over our reactions. At other times they are sudden and we have little control. In many situations there will be sense of loss as we adjust to new circumstances and we will grieve for the past. It can be a loss anything, such as, a person, job, relationship, home, freedom, appearance, money, abilities. Our emotional brain needs to work through the process of grief.

* Are there stages or processes of grief? There is much debate and some controversy over the suggestion. These are the suggested stages: shock, denial, anger, blame, acceptance. Some people dislike the fact that the brain processes shock and grief in a natural way over a period of time. They feel as if it negates their own experience. A period of healing and each person will have their own personal timeline. They feel that their own experience is different and not a process or anything else that sounds manufactured.  From my personal and professional experience, I believe the framework is a good one to work with. Ill health can arise from any of the stages and certainly people can get 'stuck' in one stage before moving to the next, if they ever do. Time can heal, but only if you allow it to. If you think that is wrong, reflect on your own experiences and of those you have come into contact with.

In only the three days since the result of the Referendum, I can observe people who have moved on past the initial shock and denial and now working through anger and blame. 

Returning to the column

What have I learnt?

Treat yourself kindly:  A physical injury often means that we are forced to stop for a while and give the injury time to heal. An emotional injury also takes time to recover from, but we can rush the healing time.

Time to think: When the certainties of life are thrown up in the air, the brain can feel as if it’s in a spin-dryer. We need time for the brain confusion to settle down and to think logically over future choices, perhaps sharing our thoughts with someone else.

Share your feelings and fears: Any sort of illness can set the imagination going.  However strong a person we are, it is healthier to share our feelings and fears, rather than dwell on possibilities on our own. Even health professionals need to share and cry.

Replacement activities: If the loss means we have to stop doing something, then we need to find something else to replace it. We need to concentrate on what we do have and can do, not on what we don’t have and can’t do.

Accept change. This is challenging and takes time.

Count blessings and live day by day. There is much to be thankful for on a daily basis. 

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” Hippocrates

©AlisonRRussell2016