Not a ...Write-Off! New Book Publication

This column was part of a larger article published in the York Press on Tuesday, November 19th 2019.

https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/18033538.not-write-off---retirement-not-option-70-rita-leaman/

I have written enough about life not happening as we plan, to know that writing a column in September, to be published in November, about a book being published in October may go pear-shaped. But sometimes risks have to be taken and if this column turns out to be in the book only, so be it. The world will not end. It will also mean that something far more important has occurred in the interim.

What book? What exactly do I hope has happened?  Last month I wrote about setting myself a new challenge and becoming Yorkshire Region President of Soroptimist International of Great Britain and Ireland (SIGBI). It’s not the only challenge I planned and hope to surprise the family at a celebration party on Sunday, October 27th.  I plan to announce that six years of these Mind, Body and Soul columns have been published in a book called, ‘Wise Words’. With support from Maxine Gordon and Stephen Lewis on The Press, York, I have spent part of the summer assembling the columns with encouragement and editing skills of Felicity Davis in Scarborough. It’s

probably how I shall primarily remember the hot August Bank Holiday, 2019. Being naturally enthusiastic and excited, it’s been a tremendous effort to keep the book a surprise from everyone, especially my husband.

In October 2013, I published my first book, ‘Are you Chasing Rainbows?’ A book about emotional maturity. This was daunting and I didn’t have the confidence to write under my real name, in case it was a disaster. I used a pen name, Alison R Russell. It has been a success, garnered good reviews and raised over £2000 for the charity, ChildLine. Maxine Gordon of The Press, York asked me to contribute to some new Family Matters pages and here I still am, nearly six years later. I’ve enjoyed re-reading these columns and reacquainting myself with events, feelings and thoughts.  

Thank you to The Press, York and all the readers.

The book can be bought from Amazon in paperback or on Kindle.
https://amzn.to/34ukHJV

For non Amazon fans, 'Wise Words' can also be bought from me at: AlisonRussell@chasingrainbows.co.uk
 £7.99 plus p&p. £1.50 1st Class. £1.31 2nd Class.


©AlisonRRussell2019  
©RitaLeaman2019

Do chores ruin a happy childhood?

This is the extended* article, first published in the York Press on Tuesday, August 8th, 2017.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/15466661.Chores_should_be_part_of_childhood/

I was reading an article about large families and how working mothers manage their time. In three of the four families mentioned, the children did ‘chores’. Sometimes the children were paid and sometimes they were unpaid and the chores were just part of family routine. In one family the children did not do any chores and the mother’s reason for this was, “I want my children to have a happy childhood.” 

*I despaired. So often this and other variations comes from a parent's own childhood when they were made to do something they didn't like. However 'rosy' we may wish to make childrens' childhood, one day they will be faced with a real life with domestic responsibilities. Grown-ups having tantrums is not life or relationship enhancing for anyone.

Fortunately society has moved a long way from children being sent up chimneys and down mines, but reading the article, I did wonder how realistic it is to allow a child to grow up without taking their turn with chores, paid or unpaid. I was reminded of someone who told me that the reason they were unable to cope with some challenging life events was that, “my parents made my childhood too happy.” My grandchildren are staying with us again. They have happy times, but their stays always include chores. Some are paid, some are done with love.

* I recall hearing about the problem being a too happy childhood and knew then that if we wants to find blame, we can find it in anything. By that time I'd heard every variety of reasons for blaming others in the past for a present predicament. For as long as we puts the blame on something or someone else, which isn't going to change, it makes changing our own attitude more challenging and extends any healing time.

Taking workshops, I used to ask the participants to recall a time when they were up against it, but didn’t give up. The example I loved was a woman describing her altercation with a jammed photocopier, “I wasn’t going to let it beat me.” I then suggested that her attitude could be used in other situations where she may feel beaten. It can be helpful if we look at past experiences for ideas as to how we can manage present challenges.

No-one has an easy ride through life and no-one knows exactly what goes on behind closed doors. My school friends certainly didn’t know about my life anymore than I knew about theirs and it’s only much later that we discovered that it wasn’t all fun.  I don’t wish difficulties on anyone, but on reflection it’s the harder and challenging life events that gave me life-saving resilience, as well as hope. Is making childhood too comfortable and without responsibilities, leading to having unrealistic expectations in adulthood? If chores are part of growing up, as well as playing, then I believe children should learn that life is about helping each other and that, certainly, ‘life isn’t fair’. 

©AlisonRRussell2017