Wednesday, 26 March 2014
The last straw, the tip of the iceberg or some inaccurate memory matching?
A minor incident this week reduced me to tears. It was a silly misunderstanding. (How often does that happen?) The incident was insignificant, but my feelings were not.
As ever, fascinated by how my brain was reacting, I found one part of me emoting, while another part was analysing the reasons why. Even though I wanted to justify my thoughts and behaviours as circa March 2014, I knew that deep down, this silly incident had touched a nerve. A nerve with a long root. A root that reached back to childhood.
I felt like a wronged child. A child who had no place in the present day incident. A child (mini-me), who was trying very hard to hijack the adult.
In IT terms, I have described these emotional memory matches like a Google search. A word is put in the search engine and up comes pages of matches, most of which are quite unhelpful. Often the resulting incorrect, inaccurate or askew memory matches can lead to disabling thoughts and actions. This happens very quickly and can explain phobic and traumatic reactions.
Trying hard to keep control, rather than lose it and make matters far worse, I turned my attention to what really needed doing. I needed to catch a train. This involved a ten minute walk to the bus stop. I left the building, still upset and trying to justify my feelings. Five minutes down the road, I realised that in my emotional (trance) state I had left my handbag behind. Furious and trying not to take personal responsibility, I turned and walked quickly back, breaking into a jog at times.
I collected the bag and as I started walking again, as fast as was comfortable, to the bus stop, I realised that I didn't feel over emotional anymore and the damp eyes had dried up. Interesting. Evidence of the power of exercise and focusing on something else for ten to fifteen minutes, called a distraction technique.
My brain hemispheres had switched. My emotional brain, the amygdala, located in the right brain hemisphere stopped being in charge as the left brain hemisphere, in charge of logical thinking, took over. My emotional arousal levels lowered. I found it fascinating. Using this ability to force the hemispheres to switch is part of helping people to reduce their own levels of emotional arousal when they are unhelpful. But so often we can't be bothered to keep at it for ten to fifteen minutes. eg: Putting off the craving that accompanies addictive behaviours. In my case, I had little option.
In bygone days, before I learnt about the working of the brain, I could 'blow up' at small incidents, not understanding that really the root was about something much deeper and older. As a teenager, my daughter became used to the phrase, "this is just the straw that broke the camel's back." We laugh about it...now. What I meant was that my head was dealing with an in-tray of varying stresses and whatever the small incident was that had happened, was the final stressor that caused overload and the brain fuse-box to blow-up.
This happens with many parents/carers and children. It's no wonder that children are bewildered when parents/carers lose the temper over something relatively small, while perhaps keeping calm over something more important. This can be observed dramatically in cases where a child being treated aggressively by one parent/carer, verbally or physically, resembles a parent/carer who has fallen out of favour with the aggressor. It works in other person to person dynamics too.eg: workplace, schools etc:
The ten to fifteen minute trick to switch brain hemispheres and take control, can be used most effectively, if we perservere.
When I'm travelling, I often stay in Ibis hotels. They have a fifteen minute contract. If a problem is not sorted in fifteen minutes, then the room is free of charge. There is an excellent illustrated card, or used to be, left in the room that advertises this fact. Somehow a copy found itself in my luggage!
On the front, it says, 'Keep Cool' and suggests the following, while waiting for the problem to be remedied:
1. Five minutes to breath. Sit in the lotus postion, close your eyes and breath in deeply. (They should add, breath in deeply and slowly, hold breath and breath out slowly.)
2. Five minutes to tone up: sit with a straight back, stretch out your arms and bend your body forward as far as you can go.
3. Five minutes to relax: Pull your knees up against you chest, put your chin on your knees then rock forward and backwards and from side to side.
This would be so useful in workplace situations too. I'm sure most hotel customers ignore the suggestions and dismiss the words.
We shouldn't. It works.
©AlisonRusell2014
Friday, 14 March 2014
See beyond the clouds
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11065570.Body__mind____soul__See_beyond_the_clouds/?ref=arc
My husband was in a lift in an office building. As the doors opened, a woman said, quite randomly, “ Aren’t birds wonderful? It doesn’t matter what happens to them, they always begin a new day singing.” I’m not suggesting that human beings can get up each day with their hearts bursting with joy, despite awful events that may have befallen them the day before, but nature can make us think. There is much that provides each of us with the lessons of life and shows us what to do with our resources – if we want to learn from them.
At the moment, the gardens, hedgerows, fields and parks and beginning to burst into bud and flower. Whatever the winter provides, too dry in 2012, too much snow last year and too much rain this winter, vegetation springs to life again. It adapts. One of the reasons for the stoical, adaptable British character has been attributed to the weather. I recall my geography teacher telling us that, “Britain doesn’t have a climate, it has weather.” Most weeks we have to manage thwarted expectations and just get on with it. Taking a niece to a theme park, we got onto a ride in the pouring rain. The attendant said, “do you mind if I ask, why do you come here on a day like this?” He had a point, but my reply was, “ because my niece is visiting, this is what we planned, so we’re just getting on with it.” Nature doesn’t blame and make excuses.
Outside can be our classroom. Snowdrops are one of the most fragile flowers in the plant world. It is so easy to crush the stem, even with careful handling, yet they come through the earth when it’s at its hardest and coldest – they thrive in those conditions. A fresh dumping of snow can arrive, disrupting people’s lives, yet the snowdrop still survives.
A rose bed in winter can look a sorry sight, full of bare twigs. Cut them back, surround them in manure and a few months later, they produce colourful, sweet smelling, beautiful flowers.
The sun is always in the sky during daylight; it’s just that sometimes cloud hides it. Taking off from an airport in the pouring rain and going up through the clouds never fails to lift my spirits. Rainbows too.
Reflection
This is an adaptation of a traditional story, which is a favourite teaching tale. A man was sitting in a park, on his lunch break. He noticed a chrysalis on a shrub. He watched, fascinated and enthralled as he saw a butterfly begin to emerge. After a time, the butterfly stopped moving. The man thought the butterfly was stuck and decided to help. With the utmost care and very gently, he fully opened the chrysalis. The butterfly fell to the ground crumpled and dying.The man had failed to understand that nature had made the butterfly have to struggle to give it life and freedom.
©AlisonRussell2014
Sunday, 23 February 2014
It's going 'Cold Turkey', stupid!
It was 10.30am on Friday, January 31st, 2014. Adrian was driving us to a nearby town for a funeral. He wondered whether there would be enough time to have a cup of coffee somewhere, before going to the church.
That would be nice, I thought. Visualising the smell and taste of coffee was tempting. I wanted a coffee, but it was Friday. A weekday. I don't drink coffee on weekdays.
Crash! Bang! Clang! A penny dropped. Surely not? It couldn't be. I haven't been that stupid have I?
Three weeks later and it looks as if I may have been.
My liking for black coffee began back in 1966 at a vending machine. I pressed the wrong button and a black coffee was dispensed, instead of a white one. I didn't have enough time or money to change it. I drank it and have never drunk white coffee since. I also have a life long loathing of brown tea.
Thirty years ago, I realised that drinking coffee in the late afternoon or evening was giving me palpitations at night, so reduced my coffee drinking to morning only or had decaffinated coffee. As the years went by, so my liking for a strong coffee increased and preferably using freshly ground coffee. I never sweetened the drink, which, frustratingly, gave me nothing to give up in my coffee, when on a diet.
The years passed and the coffee got stronger, so much so, that I'd rather go without a coffee, than have a weaker one. I started to generally, only have coffee at breakfast. I enjoyed it so much that two mugs became normal.
In 2013, a mostly benign hiatus hernia started to cause more discomfort. I knew I should lose 20lbs or so, but on reading up on the complaint, I guessed that two mugs of strong black coffee every morning may not be helping. I decided to reduce the amount to one mug and then keep it to weekends only, as a treat.
As I've said, I loathe brown tea, but purely for health reasons, had trained my palate to tolerate weak green tea, with a flavour. I drink that on weekdays. What a contrast!
I am fortunate to generally keep in good health, with just a sign of arthritis in one finger joint. During the summer last year, I became more aware of the aches and pains of ageing. Or was it? My father, had kept himself extremely fit by regular walking and climbing thirty stairs to his flat every day, until he was 89 years old. As the aches and pains increased, I started to hold on the the stair banister at home, when going upstairs. I would often think how appalled my father would be to see me. I rarely took any medication, as I wasn't in any pain, just stiff and achey, like the flu. This included every finger joint too.
I visited the GP and asked for a blood test. I needed to know if it was osteoarthritis. If it was, I would know what I was up against and deal with it accordingly. I had various tests done and they all came back negative.
Last Autumn, Adrian's illness and recovery took over in importance and 2014 started. I still felt the same and as I climbed the stairs, on occasion, I allowed myself to wonder how long it might be until a chair lift would be required. I'm not being melodramatic, just stating what seemed to me, to be the future.
As a therapist, one question that could often elicit a helpful response, was '"when doesn't this problem happen?" While there are some conditions, illnesses and problems that are constant 24/7, generally most people can identify a period of time when the problem is less or doesn't exist at all. Therein lie the clues for the therapist, doctor or practitioner.
What had been staring me in the face, but I had been blind to, was that the stiffness and aches were better at the weekends and at the beginning of the week. Sometimes I would have a small, weaker coffee at work on a Monday or Tuesday.
Why does the penny drop when it does, is a question I ask in the book? It fascinates me.
On Friday, January 31st, I had climbed into our old Land Rover awkwardly. The step up had begun to feel too high and my previous agility was lacking. I was feeling below par.
So, why, when Adrian mentioned having a coffee, did my brain click into gear? Within seconds I was Googling, 'caffeine withdrawal, aches and pains'.
There it was. A connection. Loads of connections. Of course, I knew about caffeine withdrawal headaches, but not the aches and pains. Could this be the answer? Had I been putting myself into 'cold turkey' every Monday or Tuesday? It would make so much sense.
I decided to take things slowly. The following week I kept to the same routine, so wasn't surprised when I felt increasingly stiff and achey, as the week passed.
The last two weeks I have enjoyed one strong, black coffee every morning. No stiffness in my lower body and 90% less in my hands. I can climb the stairs quickly and without holding on. I mentioned it to the GP, when asking about an appointment about the hernia. She looked embarrassed and covered a mug of coffee on the desk. "I know", she said, "I tried to give up coffee, but felt so terrible that I'm back on it."
Was I stupid? I think so. I spent all my years in practice, helping people discover the connection between the mind and body, including the importance of good nutrition and mental health. Helping people understand the acute problems that withdrawing from any medication too quickly, can cause. I can't believe that I didn't see the blindingly obvious signs myself.
A client I saw a decade ago came to mind. Her nutrition was awful, because she cared more about her horse than eating healthily. She changed her diet immediately and made a dramatic recovery. She was elated and said, "I was feeding my horse and dog, better than me."
Where could it have ended? Like much else in my life, which I will be addressing in another blog. Being offered medication, instead of sorting out a nutritional or stress related connection. That's why I'm cross with myself. I know the connections. I know about food and mood diaries. But I was blinded by my age and an acceptance that it was to be expected.
I have a choice too. Do I work through the withdrawal and have a caffeine-free life? I'm not ready for that yet, but if I have to, I will. I'm losing weight again and I hope this will help the hernia. Perhaps I should stop lifting heavy bags of compost in the garden too?
I shall wait and see.
Two of my favourite text books on the subject are:
Optimum Nutrition for the Mind by Patrick Holford
The Antidepressant Solution by Joseph Glemullen, MD
@AlisonRRussell2014
That would be nice, I thought. Visualising the smell and taste of coffee was tempting. I wanted a coffee, but it was Friday. A weekday. I don't drink coffee on weekdays.
Crash! Bang! Clang! A penny dropped. Surely not? It couldn't be. I haven't been that stupid have I?
Three weeks later and it looks as if I may have been.
My liking for black coffee began back in 1966 at a vending machine. I pressed the wrong button and a black coffee was dispensed, instead of a white one. I didn't have enough time or money to change it. I drank it and have never drunk white coffee since. I also have a life long loathing of brown tea.
Thirty years ago, I realised that drinking coffee in the late afternoon or evening was giving me palpitations at night, so reduced my coffee drinking to morning only or had decaffinated coffee. As the years went by, so my liking for a strong coffee increased and preferably using freshly ground coffee. I never sweetened the drink, which, frustratingly, gave me nothing to give up in my coffee, when on a diet.
The years passed and the coffee got stronger, so much so, that I'd rather go without a coffee, than have a weaker one. I started to generally, only have coffee at breakfast. I enjoyed it so much that two mugs became normal.
In 2013, a mostly benign hiatus hernia started to cause more discomfort. I knew I should lose 20lbs or so, but on reading up on the complaint, I guessed that two mugs of strong black coffee every morning may not be helping. I decided to reduce the amount to one mug and then keep it to weekends only, as a treat.
As I've said, I loathe brown tea, but purely for health reasons, had trained my palate to tolerate weak green tea, with a flavour. I drink that on weekdays. What a contrast!
I am fortunate to generally keep in good health, with just a sign of arthritis in one finger joint. During the summer last year, I became more aware of the aches and pains of ageing. Or was it? My father, had kept himself extremely fit by regular walking and climbing thirty stairs to his flat every day, until he was 89 years old. As the aches and pains increased, I started to hold on the the stair banister at home, when going upstairs. I would often think how appalled my father would be to see me. I rarely took any medication, as I wasn't in any pain, just stiff and achey, like the flu. This included every finger joint too.
I visited the GP and asked for a blood test. I needed to know if it was osteoarthritis. If it was, I would know what I was up against and deal with it accordingly. I had various tests done and they all came back negative.
Last Autumn, Adrian's illness and recovery took over in importance and 2014 started. I still felt the same and as I climbed the stairs, on occasion, I allowed myself to wonder how long it might be until a chair lift would be required. I'm not being melodramatic, just stating what seemed to me, to be the future.
As a therapist, one question that could often elicit a helpful response, was '"when doesn't this problem happen?" While there are some conditions, illnesses and problems that are constant 24/7, generally most people can identify a period of time when the problem is less or doesn't exist at all. Therein lie the clues for the therapist, doctor or practitioner.
What had been staring me in the face, but I had been blind to, was that the stiffness and aches were better at the weekends and at the beginning of the week. Sometimes I would have a small, weaker coffee at work on a Monday or Tuesday.
Why does the penny drop when it does, is a question I ask in the book? It fascinates me.
On Friday, January 31st, I had climbed into our old Land Rover awkwardly. The step up had begun to feel too high and my previous agility was lacking. I was feeling below par.
So, why, when Adrian mentioned having a coffee, did my brain click into gear? Within seconds I was Googling, 'caffeine withdrawal, aches and pains'.
There it was. A connection. Loads of connections. Of course, I knew about caffeine withdrawal headaches, but not the aches and pains. Could this be the answer? Had I been putting myself into 'cold turkey' every Monday or Tuesday? It would make so much sense.
I decided to take things slowly. The following week I kept to the same routine, so wasn't surprised when I felt increasingly stiff and achey, as the week passed.
The last two weeks I have enjoyed one strong, black coffee every morning. No stiffness in my lower body and 90% less in my hands. I can climb the stairs quickly and without holding on. I mentioned it to the GP, when asking about an appointment about the hernia. She looked embarrassed and covered a mug of coffee on the desk. "I know", she said, "I tried to give up coffee, but felt so terrible that I'm back on it."
Was I stupid? I think so. I spent all my years in practice, helping people discover the connection between the mind and body, including the importance of good nutrition and mental health. Helping people understand the acute problems that withdrawing from any medication too quickly, can cause. I can't believe that I didn't see the blindingly obvious signs myself.
A client I saw a decade ago came to mind. Her nutrition was awful, because she cared more about her horse than eating healthily. She changed her diet immediately and made a dramatic recovery. She was elated and said, "I was feeding my horse and dog, better than me."
Where could it have ended? Like much else in my life, which I will be addressing in another blog. Being offered medication, instead of sorting out a nutritional or stress related connection. That's why I'm cross with myself. I know the connections. I know about food and mood diaries. But I was blinded by my age and an acceptance that it was to be expected.
I have a choice too. Do I work through the withdrawal and have a caffeine-free life? I'm not ready for that yet, but if I have to, I will. I'm losing weight again and I hope this will help the hernia. Perhaps I should stop lifting heavy bags of compost in the garden too?
I shall wait and see.
Two of my favourite text books on the subject are:
Optimum Nutrition for the Mind by Patrick Holford
The Antidepressant Solution by Joseph Glemullen, MD
@AlisonRRussell2014
Monday, 10 February 2014
Loving the healthy way.
This is February's column in the York Press, Healthy, Beauty and Wellbeing section, dated Monday February 10th, 2014.
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/10999556.Loving_the_healthy_way/
Next Friday is St Valentine's Day. A day that can bring each of us a spectrum of emotions. Not only may we have expectations of the day, but we also hold memories of past Valentine Days. The more we have experienced the larger our memory store will hold. Good, bad and indifferent. Joyous and heart-breaking. The earliest memories I hold are, of schooldays and girls boasting about their Valentines, while I had received nothing. Eventually, one year I received my first one, silly that I can still remember it. A squirrel saying, 'I'm nuts about you'. It’s a shame really, because I certainly wasn't nuts about him.
Some people say that it’s just a modern invention or American and just for businesses to make money. The business angle is certainly true, but St Valentine and romantic love have been celebrated for centuries. My grandfather was born on February 14th 1885 and was given Valentine as his middle name.
Human beings have a basic need to love and be loved. If these needs are met healthily, then life can be good. But for all the smiles, hugs and good feelings, there is another, less attractive, ugly side. Where the need to give and receive love can cause problems. Tragic problems. I belong to an organisation called Soroptimist International, the York Ebor branch. The clubs in the York region support and promote an anti-grooming initiative. In a reflection below, is a list that was created with young girls in mind, but is suitable for all children and adults, all genders, in any relationship, in any situation.
Reflection:
I wish that on this forthcoming Valentine's day that you can recognise the signs of emotionally mature love in the Loves Me column.
Loves me Loves me notMakes me feel safe Is jealous
Makes me feel comfortable Is possessive
Listens to me Tries to control me
Values my opinions Gets violent, loses
temper quickly.
Supports what I want to do in life Always blames me
Is truthful with me Is sexually demanding
Admits to being wrong Keeps me from seeing
friends & family
Respects me Makes all the decisions
Likes that I have other friends Embarrasses me in
front of others
Makes me laugh Hits me
Trusts me. Makes me cry
Treats me as an equal Is always ‘checking
up’ on me
Respects my family Takes my money and
other things
Accepts me as I am Teases, bullies and
puts me down.
Understands my need for time alone Threatens to leave me
or with family if I don’t do what I’m
told.
In a perfect world, we would all have relationships in the left Loves Me, column, but this is an imperfect world. At home, the workplace, school, college, clubs, in fact anywhere, if there is a relationship in your life that ticks some lines in the right hand, Loves Me Not, column, please ask someone for advice and support.
NB: I would add to the newspaper column here and write that the person displaying behaviours in the Loves Me column is emotionally mature, while the person displaying behaviours in the Loves Me Not column is emotionally immature. Both the giver and receiver need help.
©AlisonRRussell2014
Friday, 24 January 2014
An unplanned future.
On Friday, January 17th, 2013, I read a letter in a national newspaper from a woman called Catherine Purtnell. She was responding to an item in a previous edition about 15 year old children having to think about a career. She wrote that she was 25 years old, a mother of one and had no idea what she was going to do in her life, while friends already had careers.
I wrote an open letter to her and sent it to the newspaper. Today they published an edited (understandably) version as their lead letter.
This is the original.
This is the original.
At 51 I was running my own psychotherapeutic practice, which I did for ten years. There were parents to care for in different parts of the country and by this time grandchildren. Not nearby, as I had imagined thirty years before, but spread around the UK.
My friends are running charities arising from life events, caring for partners with chronic ill health problems, elderly relatives, grandchildren or sometimes all three. Some are still working past retirement age due to financial problems and some because they enjoy their work. Many, too many, of my friends have already died.
©AlisonRussell2014
Monday, 13 January 2014
1st newspaper column on Wellbeing.
Just before Christmas 2013, I was asked by the York Press http://www.yorkpress.co.uk, if I would write a monthly column on Wellbeing for a relaunched Health, Beauty and Wellbeing.
It was published today, Monday January 13th. 2014. It was written using my real name, as the paper is a local paper and my practice was in York.
Newspapers and magazines are full of quizzes in January. Here’s another one about my life:
Mislaying credit cards on Christmas Eve.
Seeing the damage done to peoples’ property in the recent storms.
Finding a diary from 1978, in a January declutter.
I asked for strength and I was given difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and I was given problems to learn to solve.
I asked for prosperity and I was given brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage and I was given dangers to overcome.a I asked for love and I was given troubled people to help.
I asked for favours and I was given opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.
Adapted from a prayer by Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902)
©AlisonRussell2014
Monday, 23 December 2013
Are you Chasing Rainbows?: A Christmas blog - memory lane.
Are you Chasing Rainbows?: A Christmas blog - memory lane.: Just one more day to go before Christmas Day. All being well, my body will be present and celebrating Christmas Day 2013. But my mind? I wo...
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