"Why an I always so 'last minute'?" - Procrastination.

This is the extended Wellbeing column from the York Press on Monday, February 9th. 

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11781256.Body__Mind___Soul__Why_am_I_always_so____last_minute____/

Procrastination

As I promised last month, here is a column on procrastination.  I’ve had all month to write it and while it’s not quite the eleventh hour, it’s close. I’m writing a book too, but that’s not as advanced as I hoped it would be by this time. What stops me writing? In fact, what stops me doing all sorts of things until the last minute?  Why am I easily distracted?

My procrastination is no doubt rooted in childhood. Could it be that nothing was good enough for adults? Why finish something when it wouldn't be as perfect, as demanded? Fortunately, I have rarely been bothered about something not being ‘perfect', but there may be an element of , “why bother, it won’t be good enough.”  I certainly delayed finishing the first book, being overwhelmed by feelings of fear of failure and “who do you think you are, thinking you can write a book?” 

That’s not happening as I write the second book, but I still procrastinate. The upside? Cupboards and drawers have been de-cluttered, garden tidied, admin is up to date, there’s no pile of ironing and 20lbs of homemade marmalade are in the cupboard.

A family joke is that I have "the attention span of a flea". In many ways, it hasn't been a hindrance, in that adaptability and spontaneity can be helpful at times. But there are other times, when not completing tasks or leaving jobs to the last minute has been a pain and I probably, no, definitely, could have been more successful in various ventures through my life.

Excuses?

1. I’m a Gemini. Geminis have 'butterfly minds'. Really? All of them? 

2. I had a head injury when I was a toddler. Well, there you are. Damage to my frontal cortex. Just think, I could have been a grade 'A' student, but for that accident. Unlikely.

3. It’s genetic and as part of my personal make-up as are my height and eye colour. I can't change it. Nature or nurture?

4. I'm a woman. Women multi-task.

So, there are some of my excuses and there's nothing I can do about them. "It's not my fault". Whoopee! I can carry on in the same old ways. Wrong! Excuses or reasons? They may be possible reasons for procrastination, but they should not be used as excuses. As an adult, I could take responsibility for my behaviour and learn how to change it. After all, isn't adaptability one of my resources?

I have learnt managing strategies over the years.

Breaking up tasks into small pieces of time makes me far more productive. Taking rewards in-between the tasks, such as meal breaks, reading, social networking and TV is helpful. My timetable isn’t unlike those we had at school. It helps me and it may help you.

Column finished. Now what treat shall I have?
............................................

I had an idea that I had written about this subject before. A search revealed something I wrote exactly five years ago on my old blog. I adapted it for today's column. So no change? Some change because I have more control over my own time. I've had to be more self-discplined.

From January 2010

Is it really that many weeks since I last wrote a blog? Not in my plan at all. In fact I see there are two incomplete drafts, that could do with my attention. I started them before Christmas.

I really enjoy writing the blog and think up at least one subject a day. So what stops me writing it? In fact what stops me doing all sorts? I'm certainly easily distracted and...

...and there's a case in point. I wrote the previous paragraph 90 minutes ago. I have hardly moved out of my chair, but have managed to find other things to do. Help! I've just got up to put the kettle on. The umpteenth break. Now this has got to stop. But what is causing this behaviour and where is its roots? Can I use my own learnings to find out the cause and thus find a solution.

A couple of years ago, I was at a demonstration of techniques to reduce emotional arousal. The speaker asked for someone in the audience who procrastinated. My hand shot up all too readily.

It was hardly surprising that my memories of procrastinating went back a long way, deep into childhood. The conversation took me back into some connecting childhood experiences but my emotional arousal levels hardly rose. Whatever it was, didn't bother me that much. I was able to re-tell the memories as stories and not re-live them. The latter being one of the signs of troubling , if not traumatic memories.

In the end, I uncovered some feeling of anger at writing thank-you letters after Christmas. These had to be perfect and I had to re-write them many times. So it was decided at the demonstration, that my procrastination was down to not wanting to finish anything because it wouldn't be perfect. But I have fortunately, very rarely been bothered at all about something not being 'perfect', so I didn't think it was that. Everyone was satisfied at the outcome of the demonstration. But while the process had been of interest, I knew that it hadn't really uncovered anything new and was unlikely to change the habits of a lifetime. It didn't.

It has always been a family joke, that I have "the attention span of a flea". In many ways, it hasn't been a hindrance, in that I am adaptable and also tend to be quite observant in whatever surroundings I may be in. For those reasons alone, I have no doubt that I don't want to lose those resources and so unconsciously will not allow any change to occur. I can also convince myself that if I leave things to the last minute, I will be more productive in the end. A dubious justification.

But there are other times, when not completing tasks or leaving jobs to the last minute has been a pain and I probably, no, definitely, could have been more successful in various ventures through my life.

But I've got some good excuses haven't I? 

1. I'm a Gemini for starters. Well, that's it then. Geminis have 'butterfly minds'. Really? All them? It reminds me of the friend who told me that she had grown up a nervous wreck because her sisters had teased her in childhood, saying she was "Wednesday's child and full of woe". I asked her whether she thought everyone born on a Wednesday was full of anxiety and whether her sisters' characters were true to their birth days of the week? She hadn't given either possibility a thought and had held on to that one unhelpful, childhood belief all 40 years of her adult life. A great shame.

2. Another excuse is that I has a head injury when I was a toddler. I ran into an iron girder and caused a dent in my skull. Well, there you are. Damage to my frontal cortex. Just think, I could have been an grade 'A' student, but for that accident. Unlikely.

3. Yet another excuse, is that I was just born like this. It's as part of my personal make-up as my height and eye colour are. I can't change it.

4. I'm a woman. Women multi-task.

So, there are some of my excuses and there's nothing I can do about them. "It's not my fault". Whoopee! I can carry on in the same old ways, because it's not my fault.

Wrong! They may possible reasons, but they should not be used as excuses. As an adult, I could take responsibility for my shortcomings and learn how to adapt. After all, isn't adapaptability one of my resources? 

I have learnt managing strategies over the years. Do I use the carrot or stick motivational methods? The carrot is what works for me. But while I know what works, I don't always put it into practice. I hear my internal diologue shout, "Can't be bothered", "Why should I?" Neither are expressions used by emotionally mature adults.

If I break up tasks into small pieces of time, I'm hugely more productive. Whether it's a work or domestic task. (Parkinson's Law: Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.) The stick of self regret and verbal abuse doesn't work. What does work for me, is the carrot of another small piece of time waiting for me with a treat. Could be a coffee, reading a newspaper/magazine, making a personal call/text, social networking, going shopping etc: 

My conclusion is that there certainly are reasons why I have a butterfly mind, but there are no excuses. My impulsiveness to switch from one thing to another is based on an emotional immaturity and I can change that by stopping myself. As a client one said to a colleague," Wow! I know now that I can't ever stop the first thought, but I have the choice to change the second". It was a powerful insight for that person.

The saying goes, 'Procrastination is the the thief of time', as if it is a negative force. But I don't ever feel that the things I do are a waste of time, just that I perhaps need to prioritise a little better.

So, four days, yes, four days later, I have reached the end. Some interruptions have been necessary/urgent, some have not. 

The mini me whispering in my ear, "I want it and want it now!" will have to 'grow up' and use some of her more adult, working practices. Will it work? 

You will know if you see more regular blogging. But not yet, I'm off to get my treat of reading the morning newspaper.

©AlisonRRussell2015

Medication - why do I feel so strongly on this subject?

At the beginning of this blog, I will state that anti-biotics have probably saved my life twice and certainly saved my husband's life.

On Tuesday, January 27th,  the first item on the news was about some medication and dementia.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-30988643

I also heard on a newscast this week, that GPs will be paid to prescribe statins. What?

I felt as I did when writing this blog last June:
http://alisonrussell275.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/i-could-weep.html

I need to write from my own experience. I wanted to express my views on the pharmaceutical industry in the book, but the editor thought that my comments would look like a rant and decrease the efficacy of the content. Begrudgingly, I took her advice. I wrote the book to help people and left much out. Hopefully, I can include something in the new book in progress. Something suggesting that they question and research the medication that they and their relatives have been prescribed and it helps just one family, then the job is done. The ripple effect can be powerful. 

When did I start to question medical matters?
Seriously, in 1978. Though in 1968, I had experienced unpleasant side-effects from some medication I was taking for period pain. But then it was a given and you didn't question doctors. I'm only too grateful that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) was not known in my childhood, as I feel that Ritalin would have been prescribed. Too scary to contemplate.

In 1978, I underwent a small gynae op. On the follow-up appointment, I mentioned that I was still in extreme discomfort on occasions. I told the surgeon that it seemed to be every month and around the time of ovulation. He thought it was nonsense and memorably said, " If you don't buck your ideas up young lady, you will lose your husband." You don't believe me? It's true. 

So I carried on, in extreme discomfort every month, until one day in the library, chance (?) led me to a book on a condition I had never heard of before, called Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, (PMS) or Pre-Menstrual Tension (PMT), as it became known. A book that changed my life for the better. The contents made sense and the recommendation was for taking extra Vitamin B6.  In our small town was a small grocer's shop and he had a comprehensive sideline in vitamins and nutritional supplements. He was helpful and I was soon feeling better, though he mentioned that GPs didn't like what he was selling. I mentioned my Vitamin B6 purchase to  my GP, he laughed and said, "You're flakey." Some years later he offered me large bottles of Vitamin B6 on prescription.

In 1981, I was getting fed-up of diets and thought I would try some slimming-pills. I didn't go to my own GP, knowing he wouldn't give me any medication. But the grapevine worked well and everyone knew of the GP who would give you anything you asked for. He did. I was prescribed slimming pills, though cannot recall what they were, except I went as high as a kite when taking them. Life and soul of the party. Until the day I had a road accident on my way to work. The Ford Transit van hit a bend, mounted the pavement, knocked over a wall and I was fortunate to be alive, when the vehicle stopped, with my head having smashed through the side window. I didn't tell anyone what I was taking, but I knew the pills had made me more reckless than usual. I stopped taking them.

It was around this time that the TV presenter, Esther Ranzen, ran a campaign on her programme, 'That's Life' about the addictiveness of some anti-depressants called Valium and Librium. That made sense of what some of my friends were experiencing. The pharmaceutical industry created another type of medication. One in daily use today. Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor (SSRIs), claiming they were not addictive. No? Fifty million prescriptions for anti-depressants alone, last year?! The majority of these drugs are unsuitable, if not damaging for the under 18s. Does that stop them being prescribed? No. It's scandalous. 

At least ten years ago, I heard a radio programme where some British medics were attempting to make the World Health Organisation (WHO), recognise that while Big Pharma was saying that some medication wasn't addictive anymore, the withdrawal effects from SSRIs could be so bad, that people didn't want to come off the medication, thus creating a dependence. Not so different from an addiction?  The WHO didn't listen.

In late 1990s, I thought I would research the menopause, before it occurred. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) was beginning to get wider publicity and I started to read up on the subject. This was also timed with another TV personality, Dr Miriam Stoppard, visiting the local town extolling the virtues of HRT and promoting her new book on the subject. It was a powerful presentation and I doubt there were many women in the room who did not feel motivated to "find the HRT that suits you and stay on it for life."

I heard this presentation before learning about how the brain works, trance states of learning and how emotional hijacks occur. Twenty-four hours later, with my emotional enthusiasm calming down and therefore beginning to think logically, I started to look at the consequenses. One question loomed large in my head. If every woman over 50 took HRT for the rest of their lives, who would really benefit? Only one answer. The Pharmaceutical industry. I researched Dr Miriam Stoppard. She sat on the board of a Pharmaceutical Company and they had sponsored the luncheon we'd all enjoyed. The scales fell from my eyes. 

I have never believed anything I've been told since then. Not without researching and becoming informed. It is no coincidence that when I found the following quote on a drinks coaster, I  adopted it for my readers too.

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. " Attributed to Buddha

So, a couple of years later, when the GP told me that for a variety of reasons, I should take HRT, I told him that I was making an informed decision (and by that time I was very informed) and declined it. He told me that I was foolish and "not to rubbish HRT." This is the same GP, who a few years later, asked me why I needed a bone density scan. When I said it was due to family history and my refusal to take HRT, he told me that I was correct in not taking it. Gobsmacked, I reminded him of what he'd previously said. He slid his hand across the desk, placed it on top of my hand and said, " Things change, my dear." When the scan showed the I had stopped the bone density deterioration with nutrition and exercise, this was excused by, "it must have been a faulty machine." My bone density is still okay.

Around this time I had been working for a number of years on a psychiatric unit. My views haven't changed in nearly twenty years, except the situation is far worse. 

In 2015, I could replace HRT with Statins. 

I was at a post-play conversation with an actor last month. The actor was recovering remarkably well from a severe stroke. Also present was a consultant from the local stroke unit. At one point the subject of statins arose. The consultant said that, "everyone over 60 should be taking them." There was a slight murmur in the room, but no-one said anything. I couldn't keep quiet, so just said strongly, "No". At the same time a woman at the next table, also made a negative comment. The consultant looked daggers at both of us.

Afterwards I went up to the woman. She said, " Statins nearly killed my husband. My daughter is a doctor and wants me to take them, but I have refused." She then turned to her companion and asked her if she was taking them. The companion uttered these words, " I don't know. I just take what he gives me." *knocks head against wall*

That's the attitude of the majority of patients. Doctor knows best. They don't. As one said to me, "we can only guesstimate." But if HRT was originally sold to be taken by all women over 50, what about the profits from everyone over 60 taking statins?

Doctors are also exposed to an onslaught of advertising and sponsorship. Have a look around the surgery next time, let alone the names sponsoring medical training, hospital units etc:

Back in the nineties, we visited Centre Parcs. It was Friday afternoon and walking through a cafe, I bumped into the practice nurse for the GP surgery I attended then. (The HRT one). She looked very happy and told me that she had been attending a course on diabetes. The course had finished, but as Centre Parcs couldn't sell the accommodation for the weekend only, they were being allowed to stay on. I jokingly asked (I guessed the answer), whether she was paying or the Pharmaceutical Company? Her reply was, "Oh, it all free, the Pharmaceutical Company are paying, but it doesn't influence our prescribing." No of course it doesn't, advertising never works does it?

A Surgery Manager attended a seminar on the psychology course I was taking. It was held in a large, draughty, faded ballroom in a faded hotel. "I wish my doctors could hear this, but last week they were guests at Blenheim Palace, why would they come here and pay?" Fortunately, some did and still do.


I was asked to give two workshops to the staff of a day centre for adults with mental health problems. After I had spoken, the consultant asked the staff to stay behind for a talk by someone from a Pharmaceutical Company about a new anti-psychotic medicine. I was furious and naive. That's how my fee was being paid. I refused to take it, though people said I should have taken it and given it to charity. Emotional arousal had shut off logical thought. 

I have stated that my life was saved by anti-biotics. Twice. On two occasions I had pneumonia and ended up in A&E. The first time was on Millennium Eve, so I definitely remember how I celebrated - not! Except I was diagnosed with kidney problems and sent to the urology ward. Atypical symptoms and one mistake. Okay, but two? Eight years later, the same thing happened, but this time after I had told the doctor about the first time and was pretty sure the atypical symptoms were the same. On the second visit to hospital, I was given oral morphine. It should have been bliss, but the pain didn't go away, so I was given another dose. The pain was indescribable and I thought I was going to die. I should have been given a stomach liner beforehand, but wasn't. The same thing happened to my 90 year-old father with a pre-chemotherapy drug he was given. That's my father who was given no more than six months to live at the most, due to the 'off the scale' reading he had on a test. He lived for forty-four months, all them lucid, but frail in the end.

Common-sense takes me back to my chemistry lessons. I wasn't very good at the subject, but I do recall the layout in the workbook. We had to draw a diagram and write, Method, Result, Conclusion.

Medication is full of chemicals. One chemical interacts with another. In turn, they interact with the chemicals in our brains and bodies. A great deal of research has been done about the side-effects from each medication. There is sizable research about taking two medications together. There is little or no research about more than two medications taken together, but how many people do you know who are taking more than two medications every day?

Another question came to me, when working on the psychiatric unit in the 90s. It can still be asked. Anti-depressants are taken to reduce depression and anxiety conditions, that's why they use the word, 'anti'. So, why do so many people say, without thinking it through properly, "I'm depressed and taking anti-depressants."? Having spoken to several paramedics in the UK and Australia, they inform me that most of the people who have committed suicide or attempted suicide are taking anti-depressants. Not working then are they?  Ah, people will say, but they were depressed. 

An acquaintance died by suicide. He was having some bad symptoms, physically and emotionally. He was taking medication. Except that it turned out that he wasn't taking it regularly. He didn't realise that he was going cold turkey on a regular basis, with distressing consequenses. It must have been awful for him. So awful, he hung himself. Not that the Coroner knew that's what he'd been doing, because he didn't ask and wasn't told.

Just withdrawing from caffeine is bad enough, let alone strong medication with harmful withdrawal effects. 
http://alisonrussell275.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/its-cold-turkey-stupid.html

The information about side-effects is out there, researched and written about by qualified people. But Big Pharma shout louder or rather, have the bigger advertising budgets.

Okay, I'll stop. You have the idea. I could write an entire book on my observations and experience alone. At present I do not take any medication, something that made a hospital doctor recently ask, "How did you manage that?" If I took everything I've been told to take, I would rattle, be severely overweight and exist rather than live. I'm not negligent, but have made informed choices. 

Far more accomplished people have wrriten about the subject. An excellent start is Ben Goldacre http://www.badscience.net/

NB: From Thursday, February 2015
innereye.eu/obhiblog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Letter_Wollaston_Feb_2015.pdf 

©AlisonRRussell2015

Happiness is only temporary – being content is the way.

This is the extended January 2015 column from the York Press.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/author/profile/42456/

Happiness is only temporary – being content is the way

Two topics came to mind for this New Year column.

1. Happiness
2. Procrastination.

Given the nature of procrastination, I will defer that subject until next month and write about happiness.

Most of us have spent the past few weeks wishing a Happy Christmas and Happy New Year to friends, family and people we have met randomly.

The sentiment is genuine, but what do we really mean by ‘happy’? Each of us will feel happy for different reasons. We can be suckers for the advertiser’s dream of happiness. Sooner or later, what can follow from a purchase is disappointment, a dashing of expectations.  If we base our happiness solely on material gain, the outcome often wears off quite quickly. There lies one of the roots of addiction too.

In a positive thinking list I read recently, it stated. “Life is meant to be easy, beautiful and overflowing with moments of joy and bliss.”  The latter sentiment I’ll agree with, but certainly not with the former.  Life is hard at times, that’s normal. A problem highlighted by head teachers is that too many children are being over protected by well-meaning parents. One day, life will be hard for them and if the child is ill prepared, it’s going to come as a shock and difficult to manage. Over protection isn’t a good idea and nor is always rewarding difficulties. I’ve known adults unable to manage day to day living, due to expecting rewards when difficulties arise.

This is the list I have mentioned. Some helpful, some not so. Make up your own mind.

*http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elyse-gorman/15-damaging-myths-about-l_b_6324636.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

A true sense of achievement comes when a task or experience has been hard and challenging. Otherwise how do we learn? 

I prefer the word ‘contentment’ to ‘happy’. It’s a deeper experience. Happiness isn’t a constant state, it can’t possibly be. A minute, hour or day, but rarely longer. So often we can miss those moments too, not realising how special they were at the time.

"I just want to be happy". That statement must be one of the most commonly heard by therapists and doctors. Anti-depressants can be known by a most unfortunate and incorrect label, 'happy pills'. 'Happy pills'? Not working in many cases, are they?

Problems can arise if when we are presented with difficulties and either,

a) believe that the past can be changed, which is impossible. People remain unhappy, while continuing to chase an impossible fantasy.

b) believe that someone else or something else will make us happy. When this doesn't happen, we don’t look at ourselves for a solution, but blame others.

For simple moments of happiness, I like counting blessings and enjoying simple pleasures, especially the ones provided by nature. I also think that happiness is so often a bittersweet experience. As a woman once said to me, "It's like childbirth. A great deal of happiness, but a whole lot of pain too.”

I wish you a well-balanced 2015.

*NB:
While this column had been written around Christmas time, I heard AL Kennedy talking about the subject, more eloquently on Radio 4 in the New Year.

*http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-30655616?ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbc_news&ns_source=google_plus&ns_linkname=news_central

©AlisonRRussell2015

Challenging childhood beliefs - a gift to you for 2015.

This is the December Wellbeing column from the York Press. It was published before Christmas, so for today, the last day of 2014, I am change the word 'Christmas' in the first paragraph to 'New Year 2015.'

I'm greatly encouraged by York Press asking me to write more columns for them in 2015.

I'm also starting to write a new book on Monday January 5th for a summer publication date.

Neither of those last two sentences could have been written, if I still held on to beliefs from my childhood.


http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11667407.Take_time_to_challenge_your_childhood_beliefs/

I would like to give you a gift this New Year 2015. Just for you.

Sometimes in practice, I would ask the client the following question, “ When you were a child, did you believe in Father Christmas?” Usually, the answer was, “ Yes.”

Then I would ask if they still believe in Father Christmas? Of course, the answer was, “No.”

The discussion would move on to fairies, a man in the moon, how babies are born and the variety of stories we were once told, but don’t believe in anymore. Though I would sometimes add, that of course fairies do exist!  I have a lost sock fairy, biscuit fairy, car keys fairy and a remote control fairy. You may have your own too.

When we were young children, we generally believed what our ‘olders and betters’, told us. Sometimes there were good and fun reasons to be told something, such as Father Christmas.

Sometimes we were told things that weren’t fun. Scary and frightening things. These could include personal comments.

However, when we grow up, the evidence we see, hear and read can change our minds. If we are emotionally healthy, we leave behind the childhood beliefs, if they aren’t helpful to us. We take on new beliefs – we grow up emotionally. Children who were evacuated in the war, had labels with their names on. Emotionally immature adults can still be wearing labels given to them as children. Is that you? It’s time to tear up those labels.

This is my gift. If you still hold some negative beliefs from childhood, leading to some unhelpful adult choices, here’s a tool to challenge them. 

Ask yourself these questions. 

1. Did you ever believe in the tooth fairy? 
2. If so, who told you it existed? 
3. Do you believe in the tooth fairy now? 
4. How old were you when you learned the truth about the tooth fairy? 
5. What evidence made you change your mind? 

Now change some words: remove ‘the tooth fairy’ from the above sentences and replace them with your own limiting beliefs. Some examples…you were… unloved, unwanted, friendless, hopeless, stupid, a failure, no good, useless or any other negative descriptions attributed to you? (Basically, words or deeds that you believed, and left you with a feeling that you were not good enough in some way.) 

Some further questions, if you still have those negative beliefs.

6. Did that person really know you? 

7. What was the context? Look at the whole picture. Look at the other people in the picture.

8. Do you think the comments/stories/labels are still relevant today? 

 9. If you do, why? What is the evidence? Facts, not imagined.

10. Could you put away those childhood memories of negativity and recall times when there is evidence to show that these statements are now inaccurate? 

11. If not, why not?  This New Year, treat yourself. Throw away the old, stale beliefs and open up some new helpful ones in my gift. 

I wish you a Hopeful and Positive New Year.

©AlisonRRussell2014

Taking control when plans fail

This is the column that I wrote for the York Press in November.

So far this week, I have one friend who went into hospital unexpectedly, one friend's flight was diverted due to bad weather, my daughter is poorly and there's problematic snowfall in a resort that a niece is visiting. The news isn't providing much joy either. 

I read this quote from Eisenhower today, " In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensible."

I wish you all well for the next week, plans, no plans and serendipity.


http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11606794.Body__Mind___Soul__Getting_that_control_back_when_people___s_plans_fail/

John Lennon wrote, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans” 

Are you making plans for Christmas and perhaps 2015?

I wonder how many plans work out exactly how we thought they would? We have expectations. When these expectations are dashed, sometimes smashed into smithereens, it’s how we manage and take control of our reactions, that will help us and others affected by our behaviour. These emotional reactions range from mild disappointment, irritation, frustration, anger to life-changing, perhaps catatrosphic consequenses. 

The sooner we can come to terms with changed plans, the easier it will be. At first we may lose control, but then we can gain control. Blaming others instantly removes any self-control we may have. Continuing to blame others over a period of years can cause great unhappiness.

We all know people who appear unable to manage deviation to their plans. They are more likely to say, “such and such has ruined my day, event, life…” I suggest that we can all say that something has “changed our our lives.” because it will have done. But ruined? Only if we allow it. Changed plans can often bring new opportunities.

Another statement often heard is, “I knew that would happen.” That’s an interesting one, because it signifies that we have been mentally rehearsing a negative outcome.  A pessimist may say, ‘if I imagine the worst, then it’s a pleasant surprise when it works out okay.” My mother was one such person. As an optimist, I would tell her that I’d enjoyed imagining the best, whether it worked out or not.

I’m writing this in a quiet moment while running an information stand at a large conference.  I have a bird’s eye view of what happens when people’s plans go awry. It doesn’t always bring the best out of people. Similar behaviours can be observed at railway stations, airports and in shops. As the emotional arousal level rises in the brain, so there is a corresponding lessening of logical thinking. In situations of high emotional arousal, there is little or no access to the logical brain. We can’t think straight. Hence the term, being ‘unbalanced’. It’s why IQ (Intellengence quotient) is different from EQ (Emotional Intelligence).

Using positive visualisation of a forthcoming event can be useful, but never foolproof. I imagined postive outcomes to some major, joyful, future events last year. A sudden, major illness in the family led to a cancellation of all plans and major uncertainity on a daily basis. As well as managing the family situation, I had to manage my personal shattered dreams. It was a difficult time. I could so easily say that the family illness ruined everything, but I didn’t. Changed my plans and expectations? Certainly. Ruin them? That was in my control, so no, it didn’t.

The Greek Philosopher, Epictetus, was writing about the subject two thousand years ago.

“It not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” 

©AlisonRRussell2014

Full blown or sub-threshold Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

One of my former colleagues, Joy Griffiths, was on ITV Good Morning today. She shared the sofa with a couple of therapists who had helped a woman with severe symptoms of PTSD, which they were able to eliminate very quickly. I wanted Joy to be able to say so much more than she could in the allowed time.

I am not going to reinvent the wheel when Chapter 11 in the book says all I want to say. I will 'cut and paste' the beginning here. Two points first.

1. I would like to mention PTSD Resolution. Free help for former armed service personnel, reservists and their families. http://www.ptsdresolution.org  If you know anyone from these categories who needs help, please get in touch with this wonderful charitable organisation. 

2. The therapists mentioned that the woman who they helped, wanted help and was ready to do what was necessary. This is a most important point. You cannot make people accept help. They will be more receptive when they are ready. Sometimes, they have to go a long way down, before they are ready the climb back up. Sometimes there is too much to give up getting better eg: attention and money. It may sound strange, but it's true. There's more about Secondary Gain in Chapter 17.

.................................
From 'Are you Chasing Rainbows?'
Chapter 11 "I'm frightened."

Fear

It is my belief that this chapter informs all the other chapters. Fear is what is at the root of ‘chasing rainbows’ behaviour.
I believe that some adults experience a sense of fear of ‘not being good enough’ in certain areas of their life. The root of the fear lies in childhood, when they were first able to feel that they were not good enough in some way. It may result from something actual or something perceived; there was a level of trauma associated with the experience or experiences, and the brain still has the ability to switch on the fear alarm.
“I’m frightened” is a perfectly normal and healthy reaction to a situation where we feel under threat. We experience a feeling of fear: it could come suddenly or creep up more slowly. Our bodies may show psychological changes, including breathing increasingly rapidly, a heart rate increase and a feeling of nausea. Our bodies are responding normally and telling us to take action using one of the most primitive resources we have: the flight, flight or freeze response.

Post-traumatic stress disorder
Many people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – it is mostly spoken of and written about in relation to the armed forces, but it can affect anyone, and few will know the diagnostic criteria. PTSD is the development of characteristic and persistent symptoms, along with difficulty functioning, after exposure to a life or integrity-threatening experience, or an event that either involves a threat to life, integrity or serious injury. In some cases the symptoms of PTSD disappear with time, as the brain processes or files the memories in another part of the brain, whereas in other cases they persist for many years. Why this happens has a great deal to do with the person getting other needs met healthily.
The following is an accepted description of PTSD. The symptoms can arise suddenly, gradually or come and go over time. Sometimes symptoms appear seemingly out of the blue; at other times, they are triggered by something that reminds the person of the original traumatic event, such as a noise, image, certain words or a smell. While everyone experiences PTSD differently, there are three main types of symptoms. These are required for the diagnosis of PTSD, and may be divided into clusters of symptoms: they should be present for at least one month.
1. Re-experiencing the traumatic event:

• Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event.
  
• Flashbacks – acting or feeling like the event is
  happening again.
  
• Nightmares – either of the event, or of other frightening
  things.
  
• Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the
  trauma.
  
• Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event
  – for example, a pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating.
  

2. Avoidance and emotional numbing:

• Avoiding activities, places, thoughts or feelings that remind the person of the trauma.
  
• Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma.
  
• Loss of interest in activities and life in general.
  
• Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb.
  
• Sense of a limited future – for example, not expecting
  to live a normal life span, get married, have a career. 3. Increased arousal:
  

• Difficulty falling or staying asleep.
  
• Irritability or outbursts of anger.
  
• Difficulty concentrating.
  
• Hypervigilance – feeling on constant ’red alert’.
  
• Feeling jumpy and easily startled.
  Other common symptoms of PTSD are:
  

• anger and irritability
  
• guilt, shame or self-blame
  
• substance abuse
  
• depression and hopelessness
  
• suicidal thoughts and feelings
  
• feeling alienated and alone
  
• feelings of mistrust and betrayal
  
• headaches, stomach problems, chest pain
  PTSD is a major psychological illness. It causes a great deal of distress to the person experiencing it and their family – especially if it has not been diagnosed, which often happens with personnel from the armed forces and the emergency services.
  The list of symptoms and behaviour make interesting reading. While full-blown PTSD is dramatic and obvious, what about a milder form of the symptoms, something that could be called ‘low-level PTSD’, ‘sub-threshold PTSD’ or ‘frozen trauma’? It appeared to me that over the years of helping and supporting people, I was observing people who showed various degrees of reactions to trauma. It could be 100% PTSD developed from exposure to a very frightening or threatening event, or similar symptoms arising from a lower level of exposure to something that the person found frightening. It may have been real or perceived. Following this train of thought, I wondered if some of the behaviour that I was observing was in fact that of a traumatised child. If obvious symptoms of PTSD can go unrecognised in adults, then how much more difficult would it be to recognise a frightened mini-me taking over an adult’s brain?

Extreme fear is the common emotion
If PTSD can go unrecognised and undiagnosed, then what about one of the symptoms – panic attacks? They can be misdiagnosed as a symptom of physical ill-health rather than emotional imbalance. A GP, Suzanne, came to see me with recognisable symptoms of PTSD, but she was undergoing investigations for a heart problem. This is not uncommon. I mentioned to Suzanne that I was aware of many people with misdiagnosed and unrecognised panic attacks, and why weren’t doctors able to diagnose them? She told me that if patients were told their symptoms were panic attacks, then there might be a possibility of missing a heart problem.
If you have ever experienced PTSD or known someone that does, the diagnostic criteria listed above may be familiar to you. However, look at the criteria again and think about a behaviour that you may have. Maybe a phobia? Maybe an overreaction to something or somebody? Perhaps an avoidance behaviour of some sort? You are unlikely to be experiencing full-blown PTSD, but what about a ‘low-level trauma’, a ‘sub-threshold trauma’ or ‘frozen trauma’? 

©AlisonRRussell2014

Small changes can make big differences.

This is the October Wellbeing Column from the York Press.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11546781.Body__Mind___Soul__Small_changes_can_make_big_differences/

The clocks are going back an hour, the leaves are falling and we are wearing warmer clothing. A time of change.

There is a well known song written by Pete Seegar from the 1950/60s called, ‘Turn, Turn, Turn’.  What is not so well known is that it’s almost word for word from the Bible. Ecclesiastes 3 v 1-8.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

The words help us to understand that change is a given and all around us. We can all become frustrated when shops change their layouts, but most of us are able to get used to it fairly quickly. The brain adapts. It’s the same in our own homes, cars and workplaces. Change happens and we adapt. 

If we don’t change, we won’t grow. Emotionally, if we remain responding to life as a child in an adult’s body, we will be unhappy and make others unhappy too.

I was giving a talk on change and used our shoe size as an illustration. I suggested that it would be odd, if as an adult, we had one foot wearing an shoe in an adult size, but the other foot was still wearing a child’s shoe. A man in the audience had a ‘light bulb’ moment. “Oh, my goodness, I’ve been emotionally limping through my life.”  Someone else pointed out that there’s expression, ‘Act your age, not your shoe size!’

Change can be exciting, but often we’re held back by fear of change and the fear of the unknown. We’re comfortable in what we know, our routine and our surroundings, even if truthfully there is discomfort, even danger, in remaining as we are, where we are.

Some changes are huge, but there is a good deal of truth in, ‘small changes can make big differences.’ Can you start today?

Turn, turn, turn.

©AlisonRRussell2014