Welcome to readers of Psychologies Magazine

Hello to new readers.

You may be reading this because you saw the advertisement for the book in the new edition of Psychologies Magazine. If so, welcome to the world of Alison R. Russell.

If you are considering buying or downloading the book, this is from the Summary Chapter at the end of the book:

Summary

The end... or just the beginning?

We live in the past or in the future; we are continually expecting the coming of some special moment when our life will unfold itself in its full significance. And we do not notice that life is flowing like water through our fingers.
Father Alexander Elchanov

There are three groups of people who read summaries, so I will write three summaries.

Group 1: Readers who have read the whole book.
I hope that this book delivered what it said on the cover. You have read about my own personal insights and been given some practical insights. You should now be full of your own insights, perhaps about some of your own behaviours: are you sure you don’t recognise yourself somewhere? If not, then certainly those of people you know in your family, socially, workplace and the wider world. It could lead to some life-changing decisions.

Group 2: Readers who have dipped into different chapters.
I hope you were tempted by the chapter headings. Did you find what you were looking for? If you didn’t, carry on and read the whole book. It will be worth it.

Group 3: Readers who have turned to the summaries to see whether the book is worth reading at all. 

It is. There are insights that will be thought-provoking, inspire discussion and may even change your life. If you’re not sure about reading it all, start with the Preface, Introduction, Chapters 1, 2 and 11.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

Helen Keller 

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If you would like to know what other readers think of the book, the unsolicited and genuine reviews on Amazon reflect exactly how I hoped the book would help readers.

http://amzn.to/PGv6w7

This is one of the reviews:
From Kee: Worth every penny. 10th Jan 2014
"An easy read, totally lacking in psychobabble, understandable and am sure we can all identify with some of the scenarios. It definitely helps to put one's life in perspective, change is good and this book helps to do that especially id you carry a behaviour or fear from childhood."
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This blog has further views and opinions on the subject of emotional growth.It was started in October 2013.  If you would like to know a little of my background and from where my understanding arises, I would suggest reading the recent posting, "I could weep..."

If you return to the first posting, you will read that Alison R Russell is a pen name. I have written another blog on the subject matter since 2009. I'm also a Wellbeing columnist for York Press. 

http://emotionalgrowth.blogspot.co.uk

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I write to help people, not for profit. £1 a copy/download of the book is going to the charity, ChildLine.

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You will find something of interest and relevance to you, your life and the lives of others.

Welcome.

©AlisonRRussell2014

It might happen, but it might not...risk.

I'm taking some flights later this year. An air crash tends to make one question the wisdom of flying, however fleetingly.  I missed a fatal rail crash by a day, which made me momentarily consider avoiding rail journeys. I recall thinking of avoiding London when the IRA bombs were going off and I lived in the south.

The funny thing is that I've never thought twice about walking down the street, riding my bicycle, driving a car, being a car passenger (well, perhaps sometimes!),going up and down stairs or walking around my sloping garden in ill fitting shoes. Though, statistically, I'm far more likely to have an accident, doing those activities than flying. There's something about the thought of mass destruction, that seems to make it worse.

If the Government really wanted to help prevents bad accidents, leading to chronic health problems and death, it is the over 70s walking along the pavements who should be wearing crash helmets. My own mother would have benefited. 

'Lies, damned lies and statistics'. A quote from a contested source. Mid 1800s.

I've always questioned the publication of statistics. Who's doing it? Who has paid for the research? Do they benefit financially in some way? 

The delivery of stastics needs questioning too, as generally the media rule by fear. A powerful emotion. The Daily Mail 'fearmongering', is well known. I recall a Science Journalist being interviewed some years ago by Simon Mayo on BBC Radio 5. He admitted that scientific stories can make for dull reading, so emotional language has to be used, to make people take notice. For instance, a story can be about 1 in 5 or 3 in 10 people who do or have something.  I always look at the 4 in 5 or 7 in 10 who don't do it or haven't got it. But genrally, that doesn't make for such a good story.

The other problem with stories containing statistics is that the figures do not represent the context or fuller picture. eg: car drivers go faster, more often, and further than cyclists. In health stories, there are rarely mentions of the general lifestyle of the people mentioned, which will influence results.


Out of interest I googled air crash statistics. I found two excellent sites and thought I'd share them. They make interesting reading, but  the useful information lies behind the figures.

The first one is about actual numbers and based on UK figures.

http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2011/oct/28/mortality-statistics-causes-death-england-wales-2010

The second one is about odds and from the US.

http://www.nsc.org/news_resources/injury_and_death_statistics/Documents/2014-Injury-Facts-43.pdf

"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live."
Leo F Buscaglia

Lessons to learn to make life easier.

This is the extended column from the York Press - June 30th 2014

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11309562.Mind__body_and_soul__Lessons_to_learn_to_make_life_a_lot_easier/

In the previous column, I used the eleven life lessons that the actor, Bob Hoskins, had given to his daughter, Rosa.

There wasn’t space in the column to elaborate on any of the lessons, but two of them jumped out at me. Lessons which, if used regularly, could reduce the incident of emotional health problems in society.

Lesson 4: Don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Everyone’s a critic, but ultimately what they say only matters if you let it. Don’t believe your own press. People can just as easily sing your praises as they can tear you down. Don’t waste your time on things you can’t change. Let it slide off you like water off a duck’s back.

Not an easy rule to believe in and needs a degree of balance. If someone dislikes a meal I prepare, that’s okay. Food can’t possibly be to everyone’s taste. It doesn’t mean I’m a hopeless cook. But if someone was to point out that my driving was dangerous, then perhaps I should think about who and why they were saying that. They haven’t…yet. 

*Blog extra: When we doubt ourselves, we generally 'hear' two sides to the argument. There will be the positive remarks  and internal self-belief, while on the opposite side will be the negative comments and internal self-doubt. This is where I love the story of the Two Wolves:

An old Cherokee told his grandson: “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, and resentment, inferiority, lies and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.”
The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?
The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”

I have found through life and in work as a therapist, that a sizable majority of people with emotional health problems are not making their own decisions or holding their own opinions. 

Sometimes it doesn't appear particularly serious, just about the newspaper they read, "Dad always said the others were rubbish." or social niceties, "Mum said, we mustn't..." Though I wonder why they feel unable to have their own grown-up opinions.

Then there are the more serious consequences. Some people appear to be a puppet, with someone else holding the strings. Usually a person from the past,a parent or teacher, but not always. In the worst cases and in my experience the most challenging to treat, were people with Obsessional Compulsive Disorder (OCD). No sooner were a few strings cut, but others were pulled instead. The problems were always about control. The person with OCD appears to have someone in their lives trying to control them. Often this person had been with them through their upbringing and could still have the power to control. Fear is ever present.

If we have doubts about ourselves, we need to examine their root cause. Why don't we feel good enough? Where did those doubts come from? What's their root? Can we have another view? Is it just as valid? 

My father could be challenging. He was dogmatic in his beliefs, with disastrous results. I learnt to stand up to him. He never stopped professing his belief that he was right, but towards the end of his life, I managed to get him to preface his comments with a "In my opinion...", even if he said it sarcastically and with a wry smile.

I experienced some heavy criticism about the ideas in my book, from people I respected and who mattered in my working life. I was knocked back and voices from the past about my inadequacies surfaced. Eventually, the passion to write and and publish the book became strong again. I let the good wolf take over my thinking. I don't think the people who opposed me were evil, but I do think that they had they had their own wolves too.

Lesson 6: Whatever you do, always give it a good go. Don’t be afraid of failure and disappointment. If you fall flat on your face then get straight back up. You’ll always regret not trying. Disappointment is temporary, regret is forever.

A man, Ron, in his fifties, was in a workshop audience. He explained that I had just made sense of his life. At school, a teacher had stood behind him one day and said, “Collins, you are slow, but sure. Slow to learn and sure to fail.” Ron said that whenever he thought of changing his job or taking up a new interest, he would believe that he was sure to fail, so hadn’t bothered to try anything new. Ron was a frustrated and unfulfilled man. He hadn’t realised where his self belief had originated and told us that he was going to change his thinking immediately. I hope he did. 

Teachers can’t win. An intelligent, young girl, Mandy, took her work to show the teacher. “Oh I don’t even have to look at it, to know it’s good” and gave her a good mark. The girl gave up making an effort in class, as she thought the teacher didn’t care enough to look at her work.

Reflection

When we were babies and toddlers, we failed at everything we tried. Eating, sitting, walking, talking, dressing, writing and reading. With perseverance, we learnt to master these skills and learn many more.

As we mature, we can discover our individual natural skills and talents and those that perhaps don’t come so naturally. But we should always keep learning.

*Blog extra: I was listening to Peter Jones CBE, the entrepreneur, on the radio. He's 48 and the longest serving member of the TV business ideas programme, Dragon's Den. He was asked about his worst decision. It said it was a financial one when he was in his mid twenties. He went from being a successful business man to a man who had lost everything. Business, home, car, everything. 

Success is not built on success. It's built on failure. It's built on frustration. Sometimes its built on catastrophe.  Summer Redstone

©AlisonRRussell2014

Words to encourage, comfort and reassure from Bob Hoskins

This is the column I wrote for the York Press on June 5th 2014.  I will write further on some of the points in the next blog.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11250632.Body__Mind___Soul__Words_to_encourage__comfort_and_reassure/

I usually write an article and finish with a short ‘Reflection’. This month the Reflection will take prominence.

The actor, Bob Hoskins died on April 29, aged 71. There were many tributes on his fine and varied film and TV career. His early life certainly did not appear to suggest that his future lay in Television and then on to Hollywood.

His daughter, Rosa, released a list of ‘Eleven Life Lessons’, which her father had given her to “encourage, comfort and reassure.” I hope they help you too.

Reflection

Stop for a few minutes in your day. Read slowly. Reflect on each lesson. Find the lessons that may help you in life.

1) Laugh. There’s humour to be found everywhere, even your darkest days there’s something to have a joke about. Laugh long and loud and make other people laugh. It’s good for you.

2) Be yourself. If someone doesn’t like you they’re either stupid , blind, or they’ve got bad taste. Accept who you are, you’ve got no one else to be. Don’t try to change yourself, there’s no point. Don’t apologise. Don’t make excuses. Be yourself and if anyone else doesn’t like it, let them go away.

3) Be flamboyant, it’s who you are and always have been. Be eccentric and unique. Don’t try to adapt yourself to someone else’s view of normal. That belongs to them, not you. Like yourself as who you are.

4) Don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Everyone’s a critic, but ultimately what they say only matters if you let it. Don’t believe your own press. People can just as easily sing your praises as they can tear you down. Don’t waste your time on things you can’t change. Let it slide off you like water off a duck’s back.

5) Get angry, it’s ok to lose your temper now and then. If anger stays in, it turns to poison and makes you bitter and sad. Get angry, say your peace, then let it go.

6) Whatever you do, always give it a good go. Don’t be afraid of failure and disappointment. If you fall flat on your face then get straight back up. You’ll always regret not trying. Disappointment is temporary, regret is forever.

7) Be generous and kind because you can’t take it with you. When you’ve got something to give, give it without hesitation.

8) Appreciate beauty, take pictures and make memories. Capture it, you never know when it’ll be gone.

9) Don’t take yourself too seriously. People who take themselves too seriously are boring.

10) Never, ever, ever, ever give up. Keep on punching no matter what your up against. You’re only defeated if you give up, so don’t give up.

11) Love with all your heart. In the end, love is the only thing that matters.

©AlisonRRussell2014

I could weep...

This article was in The Observer on Sunday, June 22nd. 2014

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jun/22/critics-attack-ect-ketamine-therapy-depression

I could have wept after reading it. I used to help hold patients down, when they were receiving ECT. I also know of a bright, attractive young woman, who has had her bladder removed due to ketamine addiction.

Recently I was at a conference. A professor with an excellent reputation, spoke about the research his department is undertaking on psychosis. he also questions the over prescribing of medication, which is good. His research includes the role of communication between parent/carer and baby. I asked a question about the lack of interaction that occurs due to the high usage of front facing prams and pushchairs. He said he had never thought about it.

I could weep and scream in despair. But nothing will get done by doing that, except people continue to die. All I can do is write and speak and hope that if one person benefits, then others will too. 

I was reminded of a letter I wrote to the Human Givens Journal in 2003. Ten years ago.  It was titled, 'Not a tissue in sight."

It is a long letter.

I read with great interest and enthusiasm the article in the last issue called “The urgent need for a human givens teaching hospital” (vol 9, no 4). I couldn’t agree more that we are crying out for such a facility. Over a period of five years, I worked on an acute psychiatric unit – private but with NHS beds – and, while it had many of the assets that Ivan Tyrrell described as desirable, (a beautiful setting, architecturally pleasing and with grounds and outbuildings of its own), what was lacking was effective help for its troubled occupants.

I became involved with mental health work by accident when, as a nursery nurse working for a local agency, I was asked to go to the unit to support a mother with postnatal depression. On my second day, the staff nurse asked if I would like to become a member of a bank of nursing assistants on whom they called when they were short-staffed. I thought the work would be extremely interesting, so I agreed. Little did I realise then that what I would see and learn would propel me into a totally new career as an effective therapist.
The unit catered for the whole range of acute psychiatric disorders – eating disorders, addiction, depression, schizophrenia, paranoia, bipolar disorder and so forth. I worked there fairly regularly, on both day and night duty, filling in when staff were off sick or on holiday leave. I enjoyed the hospital atmosphere. We all wore ‘civvies’; patients were called ‘clients’ and there was no institutional feel at all: the furnishings were attractive, the grounds cultivated and colourful, the walls hung with paintings and the rooms filled with plants. Almost all the bedrooms were single occupancy, with private shower and toilet.
I suppose my first surprise was that nursing assistants who worked ‘on the bank’ received little training, no supervision and were not included on the nvq programme. The only training was an initial induction including health and safety topics such as how to lift a patient, but not how to talk or relate to them. While nurses and assistants on the staff were participating in the supervisory support groups that were denied us, just a couple of us would be left to run the ward. Besides helping serve meals and ensuring people took their medication, my main duty was to act as a support to clients and my main ‘intervention’, as it was called, was to offer a shoulder for them to cry on. I might be asked to talk with someone for half an hour, accompany them on a walk to the shops or round the grounds or just sit with them. often I took my turn at close observation of a client ‘at risk’ of killing themselves or running away. Some

clients had to have their whereabouts checked every 15 or 30 minutes. All nursing assistants took their turn at observation duty, which sometimes entailed just sitting in a corridor, ensuring that people thought to be at risk didn’t get out. I was never supervised once, either formally or informally. Even on my first day, I was left with an extremely challenging client and given no guidance; the staff just assumed I would cope.
On the whole, I found the work absorbing, although, with no training, sometimes I wondered about my effectiveness. Slowly, however, I became increasingly concerned by what I observed. There was a worrying reliance on the medication trolley and the longer I worked there, the more I realised how long patients tended to stay on the unit too. Often they remained for months on end and seemed to deteriorate, rather than improve, with some clients becoming nurse and/or doctor dependent. Clearly, there were long term clients who knew how to manipulate the staff. They would push at boundaries (for instance reneging on a contract not to drink alcohol or not keeping to an agreed eating regime) and be allowed to get away with it. With my nursery nurse training, this instantly struck me as wrong. One of the first things we learn when we set boundaries for children, is to be consistent.
I also became more and more struck by the fact that people tended to spend a great deal of their time being miserable, not helped by the emphasis on past events rather than looking for solutions. Clients either huddled away to cry on their own, sat in the communal areas or came in a distressed state to ask a staff member to be with them. We were just expected to listen while they cried, and murmur “There, there”, “It’s not as bad as all that” or suchlike. One woman would cry so protractedly, going over and over and over something in her past, that staff tried to avoid her. Even now, years later, if I should meet her in the street, I notice tears will come into her eyes as we speak.
When I did corridor duty, ensuring that no one who was at risk went out of doors, I would see clients go to what was called the ‘end of day’ group, where they would talk with a member of staff about what had not gone right for them that day. It was a time to unload (as if they needed any more unloading). I would watch them when they emerged and couldn’t help likening them to a line of monks in their habits – except, in this case, what they were shrouded in was misery or anger. Tears flowed easily (I was never present at such a group but I gathered that someone would say something woeful and it would set everyone else off). Some went straight to their rooms to self harm.
There was a TV room where people could smoke, and there many would sit, smoking, watching TV and looking miserable for most of the day. Sometimes a nursing assistant would engage someone in a game of scrabble or start a jigsaw,

but, for the most part, people were left on their own. There were occupational therapy and psychotherapy sessions, music and art therapy or relaxation classes, but these were often cancelled because the person due to lead them was sick, on holiday or had gone to a meeting. Clients found this very frustrating. My abiding image is of people drifting – shuffling along the corridor between the smoking room and their own rooms. There were many hours of unproductively filled time. Clients saw their psychiatrist once or twice a week and were supposed to see a named nurse every day, but not many seemed to improve. While I privately questioned what I saw, I thought it must be due to my lack of relevant academic knowledge.
Some nurses, in conversation, might casually question the benefit of it all, but mostly they put up with it. Not one of them showed any interest in a flyer advertising a MindFields seminar, entitled “How to be an effective counsellor”, posted up on the staff room notice board. By that time, sometime in 1998, I was frustrated enough to be willing to spend my own money to go along, in the hope of learning something I could put to positive use. That seminar changed my life. I continued attending MindFields seminars and workshops, and quickly learned swift, reliable ways to help people overcome distress. I took the Human Givens Diploma course and now work in private practice as a human givens therapist. But, at the beginning, I was tentative in applying my new growing knowledge in the psychiatric unit where I still worked.
We used to have clients knocking at the staff room door, begging for medication when they felt they needed a top-up. Nurses tried not to give it before time, so people could be left in a extremely agitated state, not knowing how to get through the next half hour or 40 minutes until they came and pleaded again. I asked permission to try calming them with relaxation, and clients found it enormously helpful.
There was a man in the unit who had been a soldier involved in a conflict abroad and suffered severely from post-traumatic stress syndrome. I offered relaxation but he was wary at first. I soon found out why. At one of the group relaxation sessions, the nurse inducing relaxation, had instructed individuals to imagine a lovely, green field. The man panicked and ran out of the room in complete terror. It turned out that it was in a lovely, green field that he had very nearly been blown up by an exploding mine. I persuaded him to let me try to help him and, of course, invited him to visualise a peaceful place of his own choice (which turned out to be his bedroom at home). I also talked to him about the effects of emotional arousal and helped him reduce it by encouraging 7/11 breathing – breathing in to the count of seven and out to the count of 11. It was simple and effective, and he was pleased with both interventions. But I always made sure I received permission from the staff before trying any such

thing, however minor.

One woman – I’ll call her Maria – was severely manic depressive. One day she started crawling over the furniture in the communal area, shouting and jabbering non-stop. The staff just left her to it. It was early days for me in my ‘therapy career’ but I knew about entering individuals’ reality as a technique for getting through to people who are psychotic. So I started nodding as she jabbered, as if she were talking sense. She was already clearly in her own trance state, so I decided to try a hypnotic suggestion. I said, “AS you carry on crawling over the furniture, you’ll notice that you start feeling more relaxed and sleepy.” Her movements slowed and she stopped on the sofa. I added, “You will go to sleep, waking up when you want to, feeling calm and relaxed.” She fell asleep almost immediately and, half an hour later, opened her eyes and went calmly back to her room.
I was highly encouraged by this small success. On another occasion, Maria had trashed her bedroom and bathroom. She was wandering the corridors, ranting that she had to get ready; people were coming to see her and she had to get the flat sorted out. Taking her at her word, I said, “Well, we’d better get your flat sorted out, then,” and walked with her to her room. It was in an appalling state – everything all over the place and talcum powder everywhere. But she set to, and cleaned the room in preparation for ‘the people’. I wasn’t confident in my new skills, at that time, so I didn’t make much of anything I managed to achieve. I did mention to staff that Maria had cleaned her room but no one was particularly interested. I was just a nursing assistant with no nursing or academic qualifications. Who was I to suggest something that might work?
A major restructuring programme took place and the one unit became two units with their own specialisms, because the mix of conditions hadn’t always been helpful to the clients. But, overall, the effectiveness of treatment appeared to change little. As I furthered my training outside of the unit, I knew I couldn’t work on the units anymore, without saying what I thought. So I wrote to the two psychiatrists, one psychologist, two staff nurses and four management staff, saying I had enjoyed my time at the unit but now felt something important was missing from the care. I said I thought every nurse and doctor should be trained in how to lower emotional arousal and in the use of therapeutic trance states. I donated a set of the organising ideas monographs to each unit but, although some thanked me, I do wonder if they have been read.
From what I know now, the negative aspects of the care that was offered in the hospital are probably common to the majority of such units to which people are routinely admitted (although staff to patient ratio is likely to be lower). Medication cocktails are administered that induce highly questionable side

effects; emotional arousal is encouraged (in our case, boxes of tissues tended to be everywhere – bedrooms, dayrooms, the consultants’ rooms and corridor tables); and there is not enough to occupy people, so damaging introspection can hardly be avoided.
As a result of taking other observations into account too, in my own consulting rooms the walls are not white; the chairs are not institutional or placed towards the light; there is no large clock ticking loudly, at which the therapist keeps looking; and there is not a tissue in sight!

©AlisonRRussell 2014

Sight, smell, touch, taste and common sense.

When I was younger, food did not have sell-by dates. We used sight, smell, touch, taste and common sense.

By the end of the 1980s, sell-by, use-by, eat-by dates were on most food products. It seemed sensible at the time, but now there are at least two generations who stick rigidly to the dates printed on the packaging and throw away hundreds of pounds worth of perfectly good food on a daily basis.

At last, the supermarkets have realised there is scandalous problem of perfectly good food being thrown away.

http://www.theweek.co.uk/uk-news/58667/supermarket-chiefs-ignore-expiry-dates

What do I really know about it? Am I writing an opinion piece or do I know a little more?

From 1985-1994, I worked for Waitrose supermarkets. During that period, I held various management positions, including, fruit and veg manager, deli manager and fresh fish assistant manager. I attended fresh food handling and management courses.

The dates on food have 'lead' times. That is, time in days, before the foodstuff is considered out of date. It was known in the 1980s, that the high-end supermarkets had shorter 'lead' times, just to be on the really fresh side of things. eg: A pack of butter or bottle of milk from M & S or Waitrose, would have a shorter 'lead' time, than the identical product in Tesco, Sainsburys, Asda, Co-op. I don't know if this still happens, but I guess that it does.

I wince, but say nothing, when I see people throwing away perfectly good food. They are frightened that they will be poisoned. I have friends using their tried and tested common sense, but when their children visit home, the children panic at the sight of something past the printed date and throw it away. 

Personally, I will smell and touch fresh fish and meat and wouldn't take a chance, if I thought something felt or smelt odd. This means that on a few occasions, I have thrown away something within the date displayed.

I ignore the dates on milk products. eg: yogurts and cheese can last weeks passed the printed date. With eggs, I use the eggs in water test. As for the dates on tinned produce, some of it is ludicrous.

I was pleased to read this article in the Mail Online today. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2641993/Foods-eat-WEEKS-best-date-From-vegetables-chicken-tell-fresh-eat.html

The foods you can eat WEEKS after their best-before date: From vegetables to chicken, we reveal how you can tell if it's still fresh enough to consume . . .

• We throw out seven million tonnes of food and drink a year

• If average family thought before they threw, they could save £60 a month

• Food is often edible past its best-before date

• Here's how to tell...

By ROSE PRINCE

PUBLISHED: 22:34, 28 May 2014 | UPDATED: 08:21, 29 May 2014

Why do we do it? A perfectly good salmon fillet is chucked away because it is just past its best-before date. As a food writer, author and cook, I despair.

We throw out seven million tonnes of food and drink a year (19 per cent of what we buy), the majority of which could have been eaten.

According to the campaign Love Food Hate Waste, if the average family thought before they threw, they could save £60 a month. 

So, last week I cheered as senior supermarket executives from Sainsbury's, Waitrose and the Co-op admitted they regularly ignore expiry dates at home. 'The rule is: smell it,' said one manager from Morrisons.

Food is often edible past its best-before date. You just need to exercise common sense and use your eyes, hands and nose to determine how far you can go.

Here are my tips on how to tell if food is still fresh enough to eat...

TOMATOES

For ripeness, you can't beat a tomato a week or two past its best-before date. The softer and wrinklier the better!

Unlike most vegetables, tomatoes get sweeter rather than starchier with time. Even if the fleshy insides look dark rather than yellow-orange, they are fine.

I'd avoid them only if they become watery, grow mould or have a whiff of alcohol

FISH FILLETS

Filleted raw fish, such as cod, salmon and haddock, stays edible up to four weeks after catching, provided it is kept refrigerated below five degrees.

It stays safe, but will not taste good. Fish can take up to three weeks to get from the sea to the supermarket and because the date it's caught doesn't appear on the packaging, it's important to take care.

White fish should look translucent with glossy skin, no smell and the flesh should stay springy but firm when pressed.

If the flesh looks cloudy, leaves an indentation when pressed or smells of soap, chuck it.

The stale ammonia smell comes from lactic acid in disintegrating flesh. If the fish looks green, avoid like the plague.

Waste: We throw away 19 per cent of what we buy

ICE CREAM

Even if kept in the freezer, ice cream has a surprisingly short shelf life. This is because it has a high fat content - thanks to all the double cream - so never fully freezes. It will lose its fresh flavour within three months.

If ice cream darkens, tastes sour or of yoghurt or cream cheese, it's time to bin it.

PATE & SAUSAGES

There's not a lot of leeway with processed meats. Don't risk more than one day past the sell-by date.

When meat is processed, chopped or minced, it is exposed to bacteria such as E.coli, campylobacter or listeria in the air, which grow quickly even when refrigerated. If it looks dry or has a mouldy tinge, throw it away. If the sausage or burger is sticky rather than smooth and shiny, or has a darker hue, don't eat it.

EGGS

I've eaten eggs up to five weeks after buying, but mostly it's wise to use them within three weeks of their best-before date.

To test, drop the egg into a glass of water. If it floats, it's gone off because as it ages, more air gets inside the shell through microscopic holes. At the same time, the moisture content  begins to evaporate, so the egg dries out. If it sinks, it's fine to eat.

Look for a red lion stamp on your egg box, which means it comes from a hen that has been vaccinated against salmonella.

Dig in: If there's no sign of mould, yoghurt can be eaten two months after the sell by date

YOGHURT

I've eaten yoghurt up to two months after the sell-by date.

When it is made it undergoes a lactic fermentation process, a preservation method that stabilises fresh milk to make it last.

Throw away if you spot the faintest speck of mould - which on yoghurt can come in all colours of the rainbow. But if it looks clean and fresh, and tastes good, you should be fine.

BEEF

Well-hung beef can taste fantastic after as long as five weeks and is quite safe if cooked well. You can easily stretch the best-before date by a few days.

But if rotten and putrid smelling, then it's a sign that red meat has gone off.

I've been known to eat beef even if it has a few mouldy spots. I take a clean cloth and wipe it with vinegar to remove bacteria before cooking. Roast it at a high heat and the outer layer, which has the most pathogenic potential, will be well cooked and the bacteria killed.

Cook until it is well done all the way through (which you always need to do if it's past its best-before date) and there will be little or no bacteria.

FLOUR AND SPICES

Ground spices such as chilli powder, paprika and cayenne can last for more than six months if they are labelled as 'steam pasteurised', 'fumigated with chemical gases' or 'radiated' - which means they've been sterilised to kill off mites.

These microscopic insects live in dry foods such as flour and spices. You won't be able to see them, but you might notice tiny pock marks where they've been burrowing down into food.

Mites spread fungal spores and can cause rashes and itches, so bin anything you see with pock marks.

CHICKEN

Unlike fish, chicken deteriorates quickly.

The faintest whiff of rotting flesh or sour milk means it needs chucking, but give it a rinse under cool water before smelling to double-check the smell isn't coming from the packaging. Generally, don't risk eating chicken more than a day or two after its use-by date.

Often, after slaughter, the chicken is made easier to pluck by putting it in a simmering water bath to loosen the feathers, which accelerates the growth of bacteria.

This is how 99 per cent of the chickens sold in Britain are prepared.

Dry-plucked chicken (using hot wax, much like with human hair waxing) is a safer alternative and will last longer. Look for the processing method on the label.

Interview: INDIA STURGIS

@AlisonRRussell2014 and +Daily Mail 

Don't be afraid of change. Acceptance and Adapting.

The monthly column in The York Press on Monday, May 7th 2014
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/11192230.Mind__body___soul__Don___t_be_afraid_of_change/

We started to drive to Pickering. The opening of John Lewis in York was mentioned on the radio. There was a lump in my throat, just as there had been, when Waitrose opened in the city in 2010.  Am I shopaholic? Not at all.

I moved to York from Buckinghamshire in 1994, leaving behind a good job at Waitrose. I had to adapt, start all over again and look for new opportunities.  If either Waitrose or John Lewis had been opened in 1994, I would probably still be working with them. It is most unlikely that there would be a published book or a regular newspaper column. I felt emotional about the unexpected achievements over twenty years, against all expectations.

My husband, Adrian, felt there was something wrong with the car’s steering and so we drove straight to the garage.  Pete, an acknowledged workaholic, was ready to help, as usual. But there had been changes since we last saw him. He told us that he’d been Christmas shopping with his wife in Newcastle last December, when he experienced a heart attack.

Pete had downsized, opened less days a week, chose his jobs carefully and was retraining to teach mechanics at college. He was thriving.

I looked at the two men, looking healthy and thought how near death they had both been in the previous six months. Both men had experienced different, out of the blue, life threatening ill health. Both are alive due to the expertise of the NHS. Both have dealt with shock and adjustment. Both have embraced the change and the chance to reassess their lives. Adrian looked at me. “You’re going to write about this, aren’t you?” Correct.

I thought of the chef, Gordon Ramsey, whose dream of being a professional footballer was thwarted by injury and he had to change his plans.

I thought of the artist Henri Matisse, who stopped painting due to ill health, but found that he could sit in bed with a pair of scissors and paper instead. He said, “why didn’t I do this earlier?”  The exhibition of his ‘cut-outs ‘ is at The Tate Modern until September.

I thought of the Paralympians.

The common factor is that after the initial shock and adjustment, the people mentioned, didn’t look to blame and lose control of their situation. They took personal responsibility to change and took control instead.

Reflection

There are many inspirational quotes available, though often, people prefer to collect them, rather than put them into action. 

This is my favourite quote. If actioned, it would lead to less emotional health problems, waiting lists for therapists and questionable prescriptions.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Helen Keller.

©AlisonRRussell2014