Intense 'hits' can become addictive.

This is the *extended York Press Wellbeing column, first published on Tuesday, January 30th  2018.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/15900435.COLUMN__Home_truths_about_sweet_cravings/

I was feeling fed up and my thoughts turned to chocolate. My thoughts nearly always turn to chocolate when feeling fed up. If not chocolate, something sweet. I won’t be alone and if it’s not something sweet to manage a negative mood, many people will turn to either shopping, drinking, drugs, gambling, sex, or even inexplicably to most people, self-harm. Something to distract one from accepting uncomfortable feelings and working through them. Compensation or a reward which quickly ‘hits the spot’.

*Self-harm presents images of scars, blood and burns and is certainly used to provide an intense hit, instead of managing uncomfortable or distressing emotions. But much of our everyday behaviour could be called self-harm couldn't it? If we've been diagnosed with something which could be helped by a change in our lifestyle, how many of us carry on as before, perhaps taking medication rather than changing lifestyle behaviours?  When we ignore the signs and make in choices and engage in behaviours that could be harmful, isn't that self-harm?

I’ve been writing a magazine article for Tidings magazine, a publication of Colostomy UK, about my reactions when my husband was suddenly taken seriously ill four years ago (happily he is fully recovered). Leaving the hospital at 10am in a state of shock and my mind all over the place, I craved chocolate and red wine. I could acknowledge that the wine was to ‘fuzzy the edges’ and was unwise, as I had to drive later in the day, but chocolate was an easy solution. My favoured chocolate is 90% dark chocolate, but that wasn't going to do. I needed something sweeter and more intense and turned to a Twirl bar with ‘An intense chocolate hit’ written on the side. It certainly does that, though it’s probably an intense sugar hit too. Another one and I was feeling better. Deep down I didn’t really want to eat all that chocolate, I just wanted something to take the uncomfortable emotions away. Twirl bars became my comfort food for a month and even now, when most days I can ignore the blue and yellow packaging, sometimes I give in. 

I’ve thought back to the earliest feelings of eating something sweet to make me feel better and up pops childhood experiences. *I can recall a 'stolen' digestive biscuit in an aunt's house, when I was bored and a sneaky lemon puff biscuit when I was stuck indoors unwell. 

I observe the behaviours still being played out today when I’m out and about. A crying child, a carer and instant gratification to “make it feel better”, usually food based. Most of us have done that and the message is absorbed at an early age. To make us feel better we need a treat and it’s often something sweet. 

* If the memories are not of something sweet, they may be of something that was fun. I recall a man with a gambling addiction. His childhood memories were of his mother having fun with him at seaside fruit machines. The need to do something 'to make us feel better' is connected with feelings of not feeling good enough, the driving force of multiple psychological problems rooted in childhood.

Cravings and planning the next ‘hit’ can be symptoms of addictive behaviour. If it’s getting out of control, seek help. Short-term gain, long-term pain.

©AlisonRRussell2018

Like plants, we will thrive if our needs are met.

This is the *extended Wellbeing column published in the York Press on Tuesday May 24th, 2016.
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/features/health/14530262.Body__Mind_and_Soul__Solution_focused_problem_solving/

The sun is shining at last and the garden beckons. Like all gardeners, I have been looking at the flower beds and pots to observe what has survived over the past few months. Also attempting to get to the weeds and slugs before they take over.

It really doesn’t matter what the weather conditions have been, some plants will have thrived and others will have not. The same species of plant will have done better in one part of the garden than in another.

I loved furnishing the practice rooms in York, which naturally included plants. I bought two identical cuttings from a plant I had at home. One pot I put in the front, sunny room and the other pot I placed in another room, near a large window, but in the shade all day.

Over the years the plants grew. The plant in the front room flourished. It grew tall and bushy with glossy leaves. The other plant had stunted growth and wrinkled leaves. Both plants were looked after with the same care, but their environments were different. One plant thrived and the other did not. I took photos of them and used the pictures to illustrate presentations on how a human being will thrive if their needs are met in healthy ways. 

In therapy sessions, I used a Needs Audit with the clients. For some people, basic needs should be addressed. Those of food, shelter, clothing, warmth and money. Then there are  the emotional needs of security, a sense of control, social interaction, friendship, sense of community, meaning and purpose and being stretched. Are they being met? Healthily or unhealthily?

A change of circumstances should lead to a reassessment. For example, retirement,  a chronic health condition, relocation, empty nest and unemployment. As well as checking on unmet needs, the audit can also show where someone’s needs are being met, but in unhealthy or unhelpful ways. For instance, in addictive behaviours.

I was pleased to see that the organisation Victim Support has changed its focus in the twenty years since I last worked with them. There is a form to fill in on visits, about the person’s needs and if they are being met. Solution-focused problem solving. 

I like it.
©AlisonRRussell2016

As a reminder of the emotional needs: 

• Love – loving and being loved
• Attention – giving and receiving attention
• Personal value – feeling good enough
• Privacy – having one’s own space
• Safety – feeling secure
• Control – feeling a sense of control
• Achievement – succeeding while being stretched
• Friends – for fun and friendship
• Social group – being part of one 

As a therapist I observed that the majority of clients had felt 'not good enough' at some time in their younger life. I adapted the adult audit I was given in training. 

How well were your innate emotional needs met as a young person? 

Nature has programmed all of us with physical and emotional needs. These are the ‘human givens’ that cannot be avoided. How stressed we are now, can sometimes depend on how well we felt our needs were being met as a young person. This can be real or perceived.  Rate, in your judgement, how well the following emotional needs were met in your younger life, on a scale of one to seven (where 1 means not met at all, and 7 means being very well met).

Did you feel secure in all major areas of your life                    0........................................................................7

(such as your home, school, environment)? 

Did you feel you received enough attention?                           0.........................................................................7

Did you think you gave other people enough attention?        0..........................................................................7

Did you feel in control of your life most of the time?            0..........................................................................7

Did you feel part of the wider community?                            0..........................................................................7

Were you able to obtain privacy when you needed to?       0..............................................................................7

Did you have an intimate relationship in your life?           0...............................................................................7

(one where you are totally physically and emotionally 

accepted for who you are by at least one person, this 

could be a close friend)? 

Did you feel an emotional connection to others?                0..............................................................................7 

Did you feel you have status that was acknowledged?       0..............................................................................7

Did you complete tasks and show a skill or gift in at least 

one area of your life?                                                          0..............................................................................7

Were you mentally and/or physically stretched in ways 

which gave you a sense of meaning and purpose?              0..............................................................................7

If your scores are mostly low, you are more likely to be suffering stress symptoms. 

If any need is scored 3 or less this is likely to be a major stressor for you. 

Even if only one need is marked very low it can be enough of a problem to seriously effect your mental and emotional stability. 

Stress, anxiety, anger, depression and addiction are the result of our innate needs not being met, either due to environmental factors, harmful conditioning or a misuse of imagination (worrying). 

People do not have mental health problems when their innate needs are being met in balanced, healthy ways. By highlighting areas in your life where your essential needs aren’t being met as 

well as they could be, you can use this questionnaire to help you think constructively about how your life could be improved. 
*(Adapted from training material www.hgi.org.uk)

*Did you ever have feelings of ‘not being good enough‘ as a young person?                            Yes/No

If yes, how old were you? .............

What particular area of your life? ......................................................

Do those feelings affect your life now? Yes or No

If so, how?..........................................................................................

Perhaps your adult age is sometimes hijacked by the emotional brain of a younger person? If it is and the resulting behaviour is ultimately unhelpful, then you can change it.

A client once left the practice and on the doorstep on to the street said, "I came in here like a boy and now I'm going out like a man." I was thankful no-one was passing who might have misunderstood!

©AlisonRRussell2016