The healthy use and unhealthy misuse of the imagination.

This article that was first published in the York Press on Tuesday, March 5th, 2019.  https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/17470564.column-use-your-imagination-to-banish-negative-thoughts/

“I don’t have any imagination”, said Anna* at a workshop on anxiety. Due to the content of her contribution to the workshop, I doubted this and said as much. She was emphatic and repeated firmly, “I don’t have any imagination.” I knew she was a writer and musician, so felt confident in challenging her self belief. Anna revealed that in primary school, a teacher once bent over her desk to look at her writing and said strongly, “you have no imagination.” Anna had carried this statement in her head for decades, despite evidence to the contrary. 

Anna came to mind when a friend, Richard*, recently claimed that none of his children’s multiple artistic and creative abilities had come from him. This was blatantly incorrect, as he was a master of DIY, car maintenance and house renovation. But he had interpreted his skills as those of engineering and wasn’t aware that creativity and imagination played a large part in his abilities. Richard also had a history of anxiety-based problems. What is the connection and why is it important?

The imagination is one of our innate resources and wonderful when used positively and productively. But imagination can be misused negatively and unhelpfully, often leading to mental health problems, arising from a poor internal dialogue. 

In my therapy practice, the majority of clients with depression and anxiety-based problems were misusing their imaginations and it was my work to discover helpful factual information, rather than listen to unhelpful imaginings. I would challenge statements that begun, “I knew this would happen”. “They think…”. “It will always…”. “I will never…” Then I could teach a client how to use their imagination more positively to achieve healthier outcomes. Often, a client would tell me they had no imagination, while it was all too obvious that they did. I used to enjoy saying to a new client, “I know you are creative, what is your work and pastimes?” Looking at me, as if I was some sort of clairvoyant, they would then recount their skills in music, writing, designing, diy, gardening, cooking, woodwork, acting, painting and craftwork.

The beauty of their answers was it then provided a basis to assist with the presenting problem. Their resources would provide the help they needed. 

*not real names

©AlisonRRussell2019

Who are you really? Is your childhood label past its sell-by date?

This is the *extended Wellbeing Column, first published in the York Press on Tuesday, February 27th, 2018

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/16044808.COLUMN__Time_to_ditch_the_childhood_tags_that_hold_us_back/

I have been reading and thoroughly enjoying, an autobiography by the actor, Stephen McGann. At present, he can been seen playing the doctor of ‘Call the Midwife’, a BBC TV series written by his wife, Heidi Thomas. The book is titled ‘Flesh and Blood: A history of my family in seven sicknesses.’ *Personally I think it's one of the best non-fiction books I've read (listened to).

Stephen’s life story has been beautifully written and in an unusual style. With a degree in medical science, Stephen has written his life story and that of his family, through the eyes of seven medical diagnosis that affected his family through one hundred and fifty years.  Seven chapters full of medical, family, social and cultural history. As I ‘listen’ to books, I also have the bonus of hearing Stephen McGann voice.

*Fascinating, when through his wife's discovery, he finds a great uncle and ship's fireman, mentioned as a survivor on the Titanic in 1912.
Horrifying, as it becomes clear that he and one of his brothers were part of the crowd at the Hillsborough disaster in 1989.
Movingly poignant, when reading about his wife's illness in 1998, which touched on my own personal experience with my husband.

Why do I think the book is worth mentioning in this column?

Stephen is the youngest of four brothers with a younger sister. The McGann brothers are all well known actors. As he was growing up, Stephen was ‘the sick one’, or ‘the weak one’. A quieter child with respiratory problems which gave him his family identity. Certainly not a child destined for a career on the the stage. But he refused to give in to his medical problems and fought against living up to his place in the family as the sickly one.

As I listened, I was reminded of adult man with anxiety problems, who through childhood, was used to his mother introducing him as. “This is Peter, our anxious one.” Now grown-up, he was reinventing himself and due a suggestion made by Dr Robert Winston on a TV programme, had made a list of all the positive characteristics he knew he truly was and kept it as a reminder in his wallet. 

Oliver, the youngest boy of four children, was experiencing an apparent school phobia and wouldn’t leave his mother at home alone. There was no phobia, but a fear of leaving his mother, who said on a daily basis, “I won’t be able to manage without him.” One reassuring conversation between his mother and the boy changed everything in a day. * I was making home visits to Oliver's mother, when I realised what was happening. I suggested that she spoke to Oliver about how she was looking forward to him going to school and reassuring him that she would be okay. Later that day, he went out in the car with his siblings and father to the shops. Something he wouldn't do before the conversation with his mother.

*I was 'the naughty one', with it's own consequences.  In the majority of cases, I don't agree in blaming our own troublesome actions on other people and thus negating adult personal responsibility. It is used as an excuse when losing control over a situation.  I do think there are reasons behind our problematic actions. Recognise a reason, do not use it as an excuse and then take control. Too many adults with mental health problems are having internal dialogues as the children they were labelled.

Are you still believing an unhelpful identity given to you in childhood? It’s time to stop. If we think like the children we once were, we may well behave as we once did. Is your family label past it's sell-by date?

‘Careful the things you say

Children will listen’

From Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim 

©AlisonRRussell2018

Turning molehills into mountains - Toxic Thinking.

This *extended column was first published in the York Press on Tuesday, May 30th 2017.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/15319075.Rita_Leaman_column___If_you_pick_it__it_won___t_get_better_/

It was a great gathering, everyone was happy and everything went well. There was a small incident. Did I sense a slight insult? If I did, it was unintentional and easily explained. Nobody said anything and the incident went to the back of my mind while we all continued to enjoy ourselves.

Except some people thought that it was insensitive and discussed it together. A few hours later it was mentioned to me. I didn’t feel a discussion would be helpful, but started to feel emotional. I begun to replay the incident, over and over. The tears weren’t far away. My imagination got going and I started to build up various negative scenarios. Little was based on facts, just my imaginings.

A day passed and it was all I could think about. Now, not only did I feel hurt, bewildered, embarrassed, but angry too. The tears seemed permanently lodged behind my eyes. I desperately tried to put it out of my mind, but I had become emotionally hijacked and the memory was on replay. The molehill had become a mountain. I wanted it to stop and reminded myself that ‘if you pick it, it won’t get better’. As a therapist I know that picked over memories can become toxic and do great damage to oneself and others and I didn’t want that. In the end I decided to just let the tears flow. Alone, I bawled my eyes out. The dam of emotion had burst and I felt better, which slightly surprised me. I haven’t felt upset since.

Shakespeare gave some wise words to Hamlet in Act 2, Scene 2.

“…for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison.”

Emperor Marcus Aurelius lived centuries before Shakespeare. He should have an entire therapeutic approach to life built around his many insightful quotes.  

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.” 

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” 

(*Look for the book 'Meditations' - the philosophy of Marcus Aurelius.) 

To bring it up to date, I will finish with a quote from Disney: “Let it go!”
.......................

* Since the column was published, the memory has come back a couple of times and tried to make mischief in my mind. Being busy  and using diversionary tactics, I have been able to 'let it go' or push the mischief maker away. In the past I have been known to shout very loud and very rudely at an intrusive negative thought. It somehow can break the trance state of introspection and works. I choose a suitable time and place, just in case I'm overheard!

In my practice, I made a poster of one Marcus Aurelius quote. 

2000 Years Ago

"Many of the anxieties that harass you are superfluous, being but creatures of your fancy, you can rid yourself of them and expand into an ampler region letting your thoughts sweep over the entire universe."

2017
Stop imagining the worst and look at the bigger picture

©AlisonRRussell2017 

Being thankful and simple pleasures.

Major life events can be called life-changing in a dramatic way, but undramatic, day-to-day choices can end up being life-changing too.  (I see that the film, 'Sliding Doors' is on TV this evening. A case in point.) In my life, answering the college telephone, overhearing a customer in a local shop and changing a collection point for a charity, all changed my life immeasurably. 

This short blog is about a dramatic, life-changing life event. Two years ago today, my husband unusually complained of a stomach-ache. Twenty-fours later he was undergoing life-saving and life-changing surgery. Thank-you NHS and Mr Gatt at Scarborough hospital.

I reminded him of the anniversary today and he said that he hadn’t realised what day it was and didn’t really want to think about it, because of negative memories. That's a useful way of managing upsetting memories, "If you pick it, it won't get better." But I reminded him that it was also the anniversary of survival and how we made some positive changes to daily living.

It’s been a beautiful, autumn day today. We took the opportunity to go for a local walk, exploring a part of town that we hadn’t visited before. Before the illness, if a lovely day was in the week, we would have stayed in, working. Then, probably complained at a soggy weekend that often followed. Today, we made hay while the sun shined.

It may sound trite and perhaps schmaltzy, but we find some pleasure in every day and are thankful. I've always had Pollyanna Syndrome and know it can be trying for people sometimes, but I'm also realistic. Of course, there is plenty to complain about and to be concerned about, but there is always something to be thankful for too.  It doesn't seem to do any harm and we can also be more choosy about what we worry about and how much we worry. 

"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." Mark Twain

Nearly being deprived of small, simple pleasures has heightened our appreciation of them. I recall a client, who found counting three blessings before getting up in the morning, helped her manage the domestic chaos that awaited her outside the bedroom door. I know of people who chose to do something similar at the end of the day.

When I ran the practice, I often used this quote to help clients:

“…we live in the past or in the future; we are continually expecting the coming of some special moment when our life will unfold itself in its full significance. And we do not notice that life is flowing like water through our fingers.”   

Father Alexander Elchaninov

Not living for the day, but in the day.

©AlisonRRussell2015

World Mental Health Day 2013

This is my contribution to World Mental Health Day. Perhaps I should have published the book today?

From Chapter 1

        There is still a stigma attached to the subject of mental health.
        Whatever people may think, the situation is not as bad as it 
        used to be, when the very mention of someone having mental
        health problems – maybe a family member – would have
        been taboo. Nowadays, everyone knows someone who has
        experienced a mental health problem, if not within their own 
        circle of friends and family, then through a celebrity or
        sportsperson publicising their personal problems. 

0. The term ‘mental health disorders’ covers a wide spectrum, but I wish that the term ‘emotional health problems’ could be recognised and used instead in many cases. Here, I am not including genetic disorders, or people with brain damage: a great many people given a ‘mental health disorders’ label in fact have problems controlling their emotions, and the root to their emotional distress lies in childhood. Unfortunately, many emotional health problems have become medicalised and medicated, with varying degrees of success and sometimes a multitude of associated problems. Here are some examples.
   
   Depression
   There is an accepted belief that depression arises from a chemical imbalance in the brain, especially in the levels of a chemical called serotonin. The pharmaceutical cure suggested is chemical and provided by anti-depressants. There is some truth in the chemical imbalance in the brain, but our everyday actions can bring a change in the balance of serotonin, such as laughing, exercise, lovemaking, gardening or listening to music. Correct nutrition has its part to play too, and the role of good quality sleep is crucial.

       Anxiety disorders
       The pharmaceutical solution to anxiety disorders often has
       withdrawal effects that can cause further feelings of anxiety, 
       thus convincing a person that they still have the problem. 
       Simple breathing exercises can bring about immediate
       changes to the nervous system. That the mind and body 
       cannot be calm and anxious at the same time is a fact. An
       excess of caffeine and other stimulants can cause symptoms
       of anxiety too.

       Cognitive-behavioural therapy
       GPs often prescribe cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for
       help with emotional problems. Problems can occur if one is 
       thinking and behaving in an unhelpful manner. CBT can help 
       someone change their thoughts and behaviours to more
       useful and healthy ones. There are a variety of ways to help
       someone achieve this. A warning should be sounded about 
       prolonged therapeutic interventions, which may lead to some
       emotional wounds becoming toxic. Ensuring a person’s
       emotional needs are being met healthily, or met at all, can
       have successful outcomes, as can addressing the misuse of 
       natural abilities, such as the imagination – often in a 
       short space of time. The consequences of not having
       emotional needs met as a child can result in the adult
       searching through their life to find these unmet needs. In
       observing behaviours and using these needs as a compass, I 
       suggest that often, the missing needs of childhood are being 
       looked for decades later. The adult may be observed 
       behaving like ‘a needy child’. That’s because they were – 
       then. In the present day, there are times when that ‘needy 
       child’ can hijack the adult.

       In Yorkshire, teacher and head of department, Felicity
       Davis’s autobiography, Guard a Silver Sixpence, she explains
       that an abusive upbringing led to her emotional needs not 
       being met. She eventually realised that she was sabotaging
       loving, adult relationships by being “too needy”: I became
       dimly aware that I had been a very needy girlfriend indeed,  
       and I had scared him. I had gone round to his house at almost 
       every opportunity because it was so much more wonderful 
       than being in my own home, and I was besotted with him and 
       besotted with the whole business of feeling loved after so long
       feeling so very unloved. It was not surprising that in the end 
       Dave found me far too intense, too needy – emotionally
       greedy would be more accurate – and felt like he needed some 
      air. I was just impossible to be around for any length of time.

      Some questions to consider

      Q: What enables some people who have been given a chronic
      or terminal diagnosis to enjoy a quality of life, while others 
      deteriorate?
      Q: When do people who say “I have everything I want” 
       experience a lack of fulfilment?
      Q: Why do some lottery winners increase their happiness with

      their winnings, while others claim: “The lottery ruined my
      life”?
      Q: How do some people find the ability to pick themselves up
      after a major knock back, while others do not, or find it 
      difficult?

The answers are in the book:
Are you Chasing Rainbows? - a personal and practical insight to emotional maturity and why adults sometimes behave like children 

Paperback, e-book and audio book published on Monday, October 14th, 2013.

©AlisonRussell2013